Flu, Flue and Flew.

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Gosh! Hasn’t the summer gone quick?

I called in at the doctors yesterday to make an appointment

for my six monthly blood pressure check.

I don’t understand all these pressures they use.

I use pounds per square inch.

And when I check the pressure in the organ reservoir,

I use inches of water (on a real water gauge).

The doc. tells me my blood pressure is 140 over 80.

To me that is 140/80 which according to my Maths,

works out at 1.75.

One point seven-five what?

And is that good or bad?

Then I saw this big notice - Flu Jabs this year 2nd & 9th October. Free to all OAP’s and other vulnerable persons. The Flu season is with us again. I wonder what new Flu strain they will dream up this year? We’ve had ‘Bird Flu’ one year, ‘Pig Flu’ the next, how about Elephant Flu?

I was wondering - "If pigs could fly", would they catch ‘Bird Flu’ or ‘Pig Flu’?

Well, I got my appointment for Monday at 4:20 and the receptionist gave me a little reminder card. Monday is only a couple of days away but they like to be helpful to us seniors.

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I can't say I was all that keen on their choice

of those advertising services!

I need cheering up now.

Here’s one of my corny jokes.

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ... faster... faster... BUMP...BUMP... BUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ...clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP...on the heels of the terrified man. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything ... but all he can find is a box of cough drops!

Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin ...... and of course

... the coffin stops!

And as the Chimney Sweep said to the Vicar's wife....

"I'll be up your flue in a minute or two"

....or was it the Lighthouse Keepers wife?

Can't remember - I'm getting past it.

(Angus, they'll get you next year!)

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