Banging my own Drum.

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Rain! Lovely rain!

Well, good for the garden, which was as dry as a bone,

but not so go for those who have just rushed off on holiday.

So, what have we all been up to on days like this?

Hazel has set up camp in the greenhouse. Having reached the 'ripe old' age of 102, she thought she might as well 'ripen off' with the tomatoes!

Wes, on the other hand, decided on the doormat.

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So two dry pussies, and where was I?

In the 'workshop'.

Actually, us engineers are not supposed to use the word 'workshop', it has to be referred to as a 'Hobby room'! A workshop implies 'work' and that would never do in a residential property.

Elf 'n Safety and worse!!!!!

(Heaven help us - please eu hurry up and collapse)

You see, I'm one, who has always fancied a nice bang,

on the drum!

And my wee organ doesn't have one.

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This fellow over in Holland does.

A nice little side drum.

Here's another tucked behind a curtain,

showing all 'the works'.

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Now, to get these to bang at the right time,

and in time with the music, they can be linked into

the Bass Notes.

(as in the Ump, of ump, pah, pah.)

But, they can also be driven by a puff of air

from the tracker-bar.

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This is my tracker-bar.

The organ has 26 notes - but the bar has 27 holes!

You see I planned ahead and added an extra hole

for percussion.

Many builders do this.

My friend Derek (in Australia) has a 27th hole and

uses it to power his moving bandsmen.

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Derek Deane's 27 note Organ.

Over the years, at car boots and in charity shops,

I have picked up all sorts of rubbish,

and I have a few old tambourines,

and even an old drum kicking about.

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All I need now, is to get the puff of air,

from the hole number 27,

down to a device to bang the drum in time with the music!

So now to the technical bit.

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This is what I have been up to

whilst the rain, rained,

the euro collapsed,

and

the cats slept through the whole thing!

Making a valve chest to 'Bang on my Drum'.

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I must admit, that that the thought

of the euro collapsing,

and

the whole eu thingie going belly up,

is a darn sight more exciting

than having a bang on my drum!

I feel like playing "Land of Hope & Glory".

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Having a Moan with the Lads.

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On Saturday I 'crossed the water' into Berkshire.

To Cookham to be precise, to meet up with a couple of

Vintage car owning mates.

There was a local get-together at the local cricket field.

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This red one is a Sunbeam, belonging to Howard,

and the one to the right is

Chris's Wolseley 18.

As we stood reminiscing and generally moaning

about the eu and all the regulations that make life hard,

look what glided passed and parked up in that space.

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An Armstrong Siddeley.

Absolutely immaculate.

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Memories flooded back.

Dad's first car was an Armstrong, and

on returning home I dug out a few of the old photos I had.

I was hoping to find the one of Dad and I at Welshpool.

We (the Armstrong actually) were towing the caravan

to Towyn in Merionethshire, mid-Wales.

I couldn't find a print, so I guess it's

still in the box of negatives.

So here is a couple of prints of our old motor.

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We used to get the back seat out and put it on the ground

to sit on.

L to R. - Pop, me, Colin, Mom, Adrian & Nan.

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This must have been one of my very first

attempts at photography.

I was only seven then, and somehow managed to

not cut anyones 'head orf'.

What a lovely shiny car. Dad loved tinkering with it.

and polishing the sphinx!

All Armstrongs had a sphinx mascot out on the front.

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This is the one on the car at Cookham.

"Armstrong Siddeley’s famous Sphinx mascot: John Davenport Siddeley first used the upright Sphinx mascot in advertisements for the Siddeley Deasy car made before the First World War. Armstrong Siddeley adopted the Sphinx when they started production in 1919 and continued until they made their last car in 1960. The Sphinx changed over the years – lay down in the 1930s and was streamlined in the 1950s."

Now when our faithful Armstrong was exchanged for a Daimler,

we kept the mascot.

I had it on the front of my Tandem for many years.

Where it is now, I know not.

It is one of many things I failed to keep when I left home.

Ian may know?

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A wee picture. It is on a bracket on the front forks.

Not only Dad had a liking for Armstrong's,

but also dear Aunty Gladys (dad's sister).

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This looks like a 1947 Armstrong 'Hurricane',

but I'm not sure.

So, on Saturday, I had a good day out with the lads.

As I said earlier, lots of moans about all this 'Elf 'n Safety rubbish

and Public Liability Insurance.

It does you good to get it 'off your chest'.

I see David the Cameroon has finally noticed how

people are getting pissed off with all these restrictions

on proposed Street Parties.

"David Cameron will today criticise councils for using red tape to prevent residents from holding street parties to celebrate the royal wedding.

Some local authorities have demanded that events have insurance cover and have charged for road closures, or demanded hosts adhere to strict health and safety rules. Mr Cameron is expected to “debunk” the myths surrounding street party rules.

A party in Rochester was cancelled after organisers were told they would have to take out £5million worth of public liability"

What is all the fuss about?

I have had to insure my "extremely dangerous" organ

before I can play at public events.

I mean - the bellows may explode and kill dozens of bystanders.

(it works on "high pressure air" at 4" water gauge)

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My £5,000,000 cover certificate for this year.

And the annual premium?

Wait for it!

£1.50

Because there is absolutely no risk,

the insurance company simply charge for admin & postage.

I had to write a cheque for £1.50.

Regulations (eu) make you want to weep.

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"I just Fancy a Pineapple"

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The “Pine Apple Rag” was written by Scott Joplin in 1908. It is supposed to be played as a Slow March and is one of many of his works to include the instruction;

“NOTE: Do not play this piece fast. Composer.”

A lot of ragtime is played much too fast as pianists try to show off.

(ie “The Entertainer” in The Sting) .

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Last week I was over near Dorney, which I mentioned in my bit on Monkey Island.

There used to be a particularly good “Pick your Own” in the grounds of Dorney Court.

It is great fun to pick your own fruit and especially Pineapples.

But, like a lot of things today the “Elf ’n Safety” gang had got there first and it had closed down.

How sad.

I just fancied a Pineapple.

I am only joking about PYO pineapples - BUT they were really grown there in “Good King Charles Days”. In fact the very first pineapple to be grown in England was cultivated here at Dorney Court in 1661.

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Dorney Court has been the home of the Palmer family for more than 450 years, passing from father to son through thirteen generations. It is a Grade 1 listed building, further designated as being of outstanding architectural and historical interest. Dorney Court has always been the manor house of Dorney village which was first recorded in the Doomsday Book.

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A large carved stone pineapple standing in the Great Hall commemorates the first pineapple ever to be grown in England - here at Dorney Court.

The story is that at a dinner in the Mansion House, the King cut the top off a pineapple which had come from Barbados, and gave it to the Earl of Castlemaine to see if he could get it to grow!

The Earls gardener, a Mr Rose (!), planted the top and the first fruit was duly presented to King Charles II in 1661.

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It is only a story, but a nice one, as it has never been proved, however there is a painting by a Dutch painter, Danckaert of the first pineapple being presented to the King.

The background in the picture bears no resemblance to Dorney but as it was painted in Holland, it is thought that he painted what to him, was a typical English home!

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Further down the road is of course a pub.

And yes you've guessed; it is called the "Pineapple".

In fact, the pub is not in Dorney but in the neighbouring hamlet of Lake End.

The connection with beer does not end here either, for in 1840, a new brewer came to Maidenhead - WILLIAM NICHOLSON. William was a trained chemist and he used his skills to perfect his beer. The water for the beer came from a 320ft. artesian well under his premises; this well is on pure chalk and gave the beer its distinctive flavour. (In other words - "Thames Water").

William named his brewery PINEAPPLE BREWERY; he chose this name because the first pineapple to be grown in England was at nearby Dorney Court.

I took quite a few pictures - I think another post is called for.

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What a day to choose.

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There I was yesterday saying how well organised I was........and went and forgot I had a couple of pictures missing from earlier posts.

Firstly, I meant to include this little Christmas card picture in with the one on Mistletoe.

I pop it up now......I can't wait another twelve months!

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Secondly, I had this put by for yesterdays bit on Christmas cards....for any of those interested in player-pianos........not very Christmassy is it?

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Back to today.

Well yesterday actually. I was all booked and ready to take the organ down to the school for a spot of Carolling.

Looked out and...blow me down it was snowing!

Now organs and snow do not get on very well together. What a day to choose.

Dennis came round to give lift into the car, which had been suitably scraped, de-iced and warmed.

It all went very well and at least the snow added to the Christmas atmosphere.

The school had asked me to play carols, but on looking at the music rolls I had, and those that I had borrowed from Dennis, there weren't all that many.

At lot of the tunes available are really from Christmas Songs....Frosty the Snowman, Rudolf etc.

I played all these...no-one seemed to mind and threw a couple of jolly polkas in as well.

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Do you know I have just read that this year someone has produced a safety leaflet to help singers avoid the pitfalls of performing Silent Night or Once in Royal David's City in a suburban street or local shopping centre.

In case there are singers out there lacking any common sense, the Carol Singing Guide warns: "Never sing in the road."

Naked flames can also be dangerous, it reminds festive souls, telling them: "Don't carry candles if they're not protected by a lantern."

And for those thinking of sending their young sons and daughters out at night to do some carol singing for them Ecclesiastical has these stern words: "Ensure children are always accompanied by an adult."

These are some of the words of advice from its well intentioned guide, which runs to four pages.

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In another paper I read that the Rev. Nick Baines, the Bishop of Croydon, said some of the nation's favourite carols were 'embarrassing' and 'inaccurate'.

And he warned that the songs encouraged people to regard the story of Christ's birth in the same light as Father Christmas or a pantomime tale.

'Once In Royal David's City' has Jesus as "our childhood's pattern" - even though we know almost nothing of his childhood - and invites children to be "mild, obedient, good as he", which means what, exactly? This sounds suspiciously like Victorian behaviour control.

'Some of the traditional carols perpetuate images of Christmas that have more to do with Victorian sentiment than the story we actually read in the gospels.'

By 'romanticising the festival and commercialising our culture' Christmas has become ' tame, fantastic and anaemic', he claimed.

But Bruce Grindlay, former director of music at Christ's Hospital, Sussex, said traditional carols were an integral part of the festive period.

'Some carols have a 800-year history and are entwined into the fabric of our society.

The picture above shows some of the oldest carol books in my collection. All well over 100 years old. If you click on the picture you will see that they were using the old 'Tonic sol-fa' method for the tunes. One of them was priced at a Penny. A 1d in old money when we had 240 to the £1.

A little bit of history preserved.

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Am I safe?

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This Christmas I’ve been invited by a local school to take the organ round for a burst of carolling.

Am I safe?

Can I be trusted to play for the parents and children?

Years ago there would have been none of this suspicion with everybody being ‘guilty’ unless they could prove themselves innocent.

I haven’t been told that I do need checking but many people in other parts of the country have.

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New rules state that from next year people working with children “frequently” will have to be vetted and registered. Until the registration scheme comes into force, government advice to schools is that checks should be carried out only on parents whose volunteer work brings them into contact with children at least three times a month.

Three times a month sounds a reasonable cut off point.

But……

Some schools are opting to err on the side of caution and are enforcing vetting systems for one-off activities.

The school here in Bourne End obviously realises that Christmas is a ‘once a year’ activity!

However not all…….

A primary school headmaster at Somerton in Cambridgeshire, said checks on the two dozen parents volunteering to walk his 330 pupils to the carol service at nearby St John’s church on December 17 were necessary — even though they will be accompanied by teachers and a police community support escort.

A primary school in Norwich is insisting on the checks for parents who want to attend its Christmas disco.

Some schools require checks on parents who volunteer to walk with children from the school to post letters to Father Christmas.

I think this sets up a really negative relationship which can put off adults and gives the children the message that either adults don’t want to be involved in their lives at all, or that all adults have got to be mistrusted and you can’t have faith in anybody.

All of the parents should organise their own event for the kids & ban the teachers from attending. See how they like not being trusted

Upon my Soul

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Warwickshire County Council offers a service allowing “older people” to bring in their old slippers and replace them with a pair, which it claims can cut the risk of falling over.

For a fee of £5, participants receive a fitting session, a new pair of the Velcro fastening slippers, and advice on how to don them and avoid accidents around the home.

It has also been disclosed that the firm which makes the special slippers charges local authorities £3 a pair – £2 less than the council charges.

Matthew Elliott, Chief Executive of the TaxPayers' Alliance, said: “It is astonishing that while the council claim they have your best interests at heart by providing these slippers, they then fleece you for more than the manufacturer is charging.”

I have no problem in trying to reduce accidents, but to make a profit from the sale shows the council has no ‘soul’!

I wonder if the new slippers are marked 'left' and 'right' - just so they know which slipper goes where!

What do you think of my new slippers?

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Another little tale, again in Warwickshire.

The local Police Community Support Officers in Solihull were handing out clip on bells for the old folk in the summer. The idea was that the bell was attached to the purse or handbag and any movement was rewarded with a crisp tingling noise.

The local supermarket, reported that on Thursdays, (when the pensioners were paid) it sounded like an invasion of Morris dancers.

The idea was that if they got mugged the bell would ring as the suspect made of with the purse! Of course the mugger would have to be thick to realise the bell could be removed by unclasping the bell clip.

And now for a song.......

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This song was written by the black American, James Bland. James was born in 1854, attended High school in Washington and then went on to Howard University to study law.

As a light relief from his studies, he took to learning the banjo and earned a little pocket money from his performances.

He enjoyed music so much that he gave up his studies and joined a troupe of ’black faced’ minstrels. Ludicrous as it now seems, it was required for black people to assume make up when they appeared in minstrel shows.

He wrote at least 600 songs for himself and other minstrel performers, some of whom published his work as their own.

In 1881 he left America for Europe where he remained until 1900. By then, the vogue for Minstrel Shows was over and he died penniless in 1911.

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The Loss of a Queen

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It is always sad to see bits of our past disappearing and it is equally sad to see bits of other countries past disappearing as well.

I was reading an article on the 'Sternwheelers of the Mississippi', and I was saddened to read how many of these magnificent boats are operating under the shadow of a death sentence.

It would appear that the US Safety-at-Sea laws are being applied strictly to the letter of the law and not 'the spirit'. They are applying laws that were really meant for large ocean going liners to these fine old wooden rivercraft. The expense of bringing these up to the new standard is colossal and many are being abandoned.

One such vessel is the Mississippi Queen, a sister ship to the Delta Queen shown above.

There can be few more pitiful scenes along the Mississippi than that of the once magnificent Mississippi Queen steamboat tied up at the Perry Street Wharf in New Orleans, where it is disintegrating and falling prey to looters.

Clyde Ory, a 65-year-old New Orleans native who has spent his life working on Mississippi boats and first serviced the engines and pumps of the Mississippi Queen recalled….

“Now that’s gone. All the shipping’s gone. We ain’t got no more work. It’s all gone. You see how dead it is? I remember one time you got ships lining up along this river right behind each other and over there they would be anchored, waiting to come in.”

He pointed to where a large window, now boarded up, on the vessel had been smashed by a port worker so that he could use a crane to steal a grand piano.

You may not think there is a link to music, but there is.

Just listen to this Calliope Music played by Rosalinda DeLeon at the start of the June 2006 Great Steam boat race from Baton Rouge LA to St. Louis MO.

Stirring stuff.

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We can't afford to lose this sort of thing, can we?

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"Piano Stairs"

During my searching for information on escalators, I came across this which I found amusing.

No need for the right foot first this time!

Eric Morcambe's response to Andre Previn.

"You are playing all the wrong notes!"

"I am playing all the right notes.....but not necessarily in the right order!!"

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This sort of thing would sadly never be found in todays Britain. Just imagine the 'Elf 'n Safety brigade getting wind of it?

"Happy people"? People enjoying life? People keeping fit?

Must ban it on safety grounds!!!!

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“Now lift up the Top-sheet and Spanker!”

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About a hundred years ago, sheet music covers were far more attractive than they have ever been since. There was no television of course and not even radio, so people had to turn to the piano for entertainment. There must have thousands in front parlours up and down the country.

The music salesmen of the day went to great lengths, and probably expense, to persuade pianists to buy their music and these colourful and eye-catching covers were the result.

This one above is from 1914, just before the start of WW1 which probably signalled the end of expensive colour printing on sheet music.

This music below looks so plain and uninteresting. It dates from 1949, the austere period after WW2.

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And todays theme is.....yes Canoes.

Now you are probably not going to believe this but....

Canoes, surfboards and dinghies are to be given the same legal status as cruise liners and oil tankers in a clampdown on reckless behaviour at sea.

Unpowered craft including sailboards and bodyboards are to be reclassified as ships to bring their users within regulations for merchant shipping.

All watercraft would be classed as “ships” and thus bound by safety regulations enshrined in the Merchant Shipping Act, 1995.

Surfers and canoeists in particular are adamant that they should not be subjected to such legislation.

Mr Smith, the editor of Canoe and Kayak magazine, said: “There is a clear difference between a powered and an unpowered craft and it seems draconian if someone is in the sea in a beginner’s-style kayak after drinking a beer and then they may be prosecuted. I don’t think readers will like it one bit.”

The new rules would bring Britain into line with a Convention on International Regulations for Prevention of Collisions at Sea.

I think a nautical dittie is called for.

There was a young girl, named Bianca,

Who slept while the ship lay at anchor.

She awoke in dismay,

When she heard the Mate say…

“Now lift up the Top-sheet and Spanker!”

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Notes:

Top sheet....a rope at the corner of a sail for regulating its position.

Spanker.... a fore-and-aft sail set on after side of mizen-mast

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"The Conkering Hero Comes"

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She was the Blacksmith's daughter, I was the village swain,

We never did our courting, down any old country lane...

.....'twas

Under the spreading Chestnut tree

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This song, from 1938, was described as "A Novelty Singing Dance Sensation" and came complete with instructions on the strange antics to be performed. If you used to watch "Dad's Army" you may remember the whole platoon doing these actions to keep their spirits up whilst awaiting rescue from a trapped building.

Ah, autumn, the smell of burning leaves and.......playing conkers.

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Poulton village hall in Gloucestershire is not only content with being the location for the International Conker Festival, but is also, a bulwark against the malign edicts of ‘Elf ‘n Safety.

In 2004 one school banned conkers because of fears of nut allergies! Another school said that the horse chestnut could be considered an offensive weapon. Cummersdale Primary in Cumbria lets children play, but they have to wear goggles. In reality the number of bans has been small, and the ‘Elf ‘n Safety Executive has publicly backed the game. But they have contributed to a sense that traditional pursuits are under threat.

But back in Poulton there is cider in one corner, real ale in the other and in between, refereed by the local Conservative councillor, a dozen teams ready to battle it out for the Poulton conker shield.

Who is to be this years champion?

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What makes a good conker?

Size: A bigger conker may seem like a sure bet, but it could be prone to splitting. Big or small, it is hard to know exactly how dense an individual conker is unless you X-ray it. One that looks like a glossy killer on the outside may well contain structural flaws inside

Weight: Small, hard conkers are considered the best. You can cheat by storing last season’s conkers for a year, giving them plenty of time to become rock-like. These “laggies” are frowned on in competition

Hardness: Ploys to increase hardness include baking your conker in the oven, coating it in nail varnish or soaking it in vinegar. All of these methods will armour-plate your conkers, but don’t enter competitions with them — the organisers of the World Conker Championships consider it cheating

The hole: Often overlooked, the hole you drill through your conker will likely be its Achilles’ heel. Conkers tend to break along fault lines that begin as small nicks in an uneven string hole. For the best results, clamp the conker lightly in a vice and carefully bore out a medium-sized hole using a drill

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Now you know.

See you all in Poulten next year.

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Rocking Horse S**t hits the Fan!

I am writing this on the day the Irish people go to the polls to decide whether we are to be freed from the iron grip of the eu or have our lives made ever worse by more and more stupid directives.

This is the latest to ‘wind me up’ to an anti eu frenzy!

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Britains’ tradition of rocking horse manufacture could be crippled by new eu safety regulations. According to the new standards, “activity toys” cannot have a height from saddle to floor of more than TWO feet! (or in their bloody directive - 60cm).

The British manufacturers say that, that effectively rules out all but the smallest rocking horses and could not only ruin a £35 million per year cottage industry but also deprive future generations of children of a magnificent traditional toy.

There is something very special about the traditional rocking horse. It occupies pride of place among playthings, to those who have parents who can afford to buy one.

Not only is it solid and dependable, but in many cases is a work of art that is likely to become a family heirloom.

The first toy horses appeared in the 15th century. These were the hobby horses, and in their simplest form might be no more than a stick with a carved head added.

By the late 17th century fully carved horses had begun to appear. These horses comprised a basic wooden structure covered in a thin layer of plaster called gesso.

This is the same as I used on my carvings on the organ front.

The most popular paint finish over this gesso, was a dappled grey, although for the most expensive horses, real animal skins were used.

The horse’s features were usually painted on, perhaps with the addition of glass eyes. The manes and tail were often real horse hair, and the saddles and bridles leather.

Today there are numerous different models from which to choose, but the basic Victorian design has remained largely unchanged.

Traditionally, rocking horse bodies were made of yellow pine, but this wood is now expensive and hard to obtain so woods such as Douglas Fir or Malayan jetlung are used.

Some horses are composed of as many as 16 different pieces of wood. Each horse generally takes between 60 and 80 hours to complete.

Antique rocking horses are now collectors‘ items and are fetching very high prices at auction.

However, if the eu have their wicked way there will be no chance of traditional rocking horses becoming the prized antiques of the next century.

One way round this would be to not to sell them as “activity toys” but label them as “for decorative use only” and then let the children ride them with the horses backsides facing brussels!

"Mulberries, Beef and Conkers"

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When shall I see the Thames again?

The prow-promoted gems again....

.....John Betjeman

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Well yesterday actually.

It was a much more comfortable day unlike those of the previous week.

I had been meaning to nip down there and check out this Mulberry tree.

It is alongside the river and because it has its roots in the river, it produces the largest and juiciest mulberries I have ever come across.

Not so this year....hardly any at all. A late frost? Lack of bees? Who knows?

So I carried on my walk.

The river is quite wide here, wide enough for sailing and hence we have here in Bourne End the Upper Thames Sailing Club. Their little patch is gated off but there is 'Right of Way' as this is all part of the 'Thames Walk'.

Further on we get out into the countryside opposite Cock Marsh and Winter Hill ......but what is this on the next gate?

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Me thinks this is a 'con' to put people off. The farmer would not be allowed to put a bull on the Thames Path. He obviously doesn't want people with dogs upsetting his animals, so a little discouragement is called for.

I have no desire to tangle with a bull.....unlike these idiots in Pamplona in Spain!

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"A man was gored to death during Spain’s most famous Running of the Bulls festival last week.

He was the first person to die from horn wounds at Pamplona in nearly 15 years, after being pierced through the neck and lungs by a 1,130lb beast called Capuchino.

Three other runners were gored on the most bloody day of the festival so far this year, after the rogue bull Capuchino - the Spanish spelling of Italian coffee, capuccino - separated from the pack.

One of the victims was a 20-year-old from London, who was skewered in his left thigh. Doctors said that he was responding favourably to treatment."

Quite how traditions like these are allowed to survive in the modern 'ec' mystifies me!

Ritualistic cruelty such as the bull run followed by the savagery and brutality of the bull ring have no place in modern society. The misguided individuals who get hurt have no one to blame but their own stupidity and cruelty in being involved. How can people forget so easily the pain and misery caused to animals like this?

And how come this is allowed to go on with all this eu 'elf 'n safety rubbish?.... and what about all these 'Risk Assessments' then?

All this goes on unchallenged whilst here in England........

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.......this dangerous sort of thing is being banned!!!!!

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Eclipsed by the Rustle of Paperwork.

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Another excellent ‘day out’ on Saturday at Prestwood Rally.

Just one small gripe though….the admission had increased from £3.50 last year to £4.00.

I know it’s only 50p but it’s a 14% increase…..who needs this extra money?

Well here’s a few eye-openers…..

Rally and village fete organisers say they are having to cancel events because volunteers are struggling to cope with the demands of officialdom.

There are at least 15 different licences, legal agreements, forms and certificates for which organisers can ultimately be responsible,.

The person in charge of an event which breaks the terms of its licence may face a £20,000 fine or six months in prison, while failure to meet stringent insurance requirements could see committee members sued in the event of an accident.

The most onerous paperwork includes the daunting 'premises licence', which can be more than 20 pages long and can cost several thousand pounds for larger events, and the 'risk assessment' form which is required by insurance companies.

With an estimated 7,000 rallies and fetes every year in Britain, experienced organisers say that the extension of bureaucracy poses a serious threat to long-standing annual events.

Rosemary Schofield, chairman of one village fete committee said :-

"What Oliver Cromwell tried to do and failed - stop all English fetes and fairs -petty bureaucracy is succeeding in doing so,"

Shelley Thompson, chairman of the village fair committee in Walkern, said "We have to buy public liability insurance which covers you for nothing – it doesn't cover the tug of war, or tractor rides, or anything where there's any element of risk whatsoever.

In some cases organisers are required to obtain licences themselves, in other cases they must ensure that the correct steps have been taken by traders or entertainers attending the event.

Many of the requirements arise because councils insist on public liability insurance and insurance companies, in turn, insist on health and safety guidelines being adhered to.

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Yet the “Elf ‘n Safety” Executive denied that its guidelines were putting fetes under threat, calling such claims the "myth of the month".

What utter rubbish….we can see it happening all around us.

It is only a matter of time before we come face to face with a "Coconut Risk Officer" or an inspector from the "Maypole Dancing Unit."