What's in a Name?

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I wasn’t planning to do a post on healthy eating, 

in fact I wasn’t planning to do anything today in this heat. 

It’s 83 here today! 

However, this week I have been having a bit of a clear-out, or a de-clutter as it is called today.

It has been mainly old books which I no longer use or are simply out of date.

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I took a load of my books on Railways to a Museum here at Little Whittenham who were very grateful and said they would sell them in their shop or pass any duplicates on to the Great Western Society shop at Didcot.

I kept a few of those by my favourite authors though.

Like this one.

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Then there were cookery books. 

Perhaps they don’t get out of date, but you can certainly find a few that are never used any more. 

I have found that my poor old gut can no longer cope with hot and spicy food, so out went all my books on Indian and Chinese cooking. These all go down the charity shop to find someone with a stronger digestive system. I also gave them this one on dieting. I can’t see me improving my shape! 

Losing weight maybe, but it never seems to comes off in the place where you need to lose it.

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It was here in my ‘foodie’ section that I got to browsing and found a few useless facts.

Did you know that “to pingle” is to eat with little appetite, and that a “gundygut“ is an old word for a glutton? 

No, neither did I, but further on I then came upon a wee rhyme that I thought I might share with you. 

(Maybe Vitamin B is what you need Kath. :D)

Vitamin A,

Keeps the Flu germs away,

And tends, to make people nervy;

B’s what you need

When you’re going to seed,

And C is specific to scurvy.

Vitamin D makes the bones in your knee

Tough for kneeling in church on a Sunday,

While E makes hens scratch

And increases the hatch,

And brings in more profits on Monday.

Vitamin F never bothers the chef

For this vitamin, never existed;

G puts the fight, in the old appetite,

And you eat all the foods that are listed.

So now when you dine, remember these lines;

“If long on this Earth you will tarry,

Just try to be good, lay off suet pud.

Choose fresh foods from the garden, and dairy.”

This next book I intend to keep, as there are special sections on ‘food for wrinklies‘.

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I just hope tomatoes and potatoes heal, as I’ve got loads of both coming thick and fast from the garden.

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Which of course brings me round to gardening books. 

I have hardly ever bought a gardening book new.

Ninety percent are from second-hand shops and from ex-library stock. Most can be read and returned to the charity shops but some I have kept for reference. 

The pictures in this one were fantastic so it had a ’stay of execution’ and Anita writes so very well.

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Confucius!  he say:

"Man who have concrete for garden -often look forlorn"

Another type of book that easily gets out of date are guides. Walking guides, guides to good pubs, eating houses, museums and gardens. Many pubs around here have closed down so of  course many of these guides are no use anymore.

This little book dates back to when I thought I would run a pub when I retired.

Just dreaming.

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Out it goes. 

I have a whole shelf of books concerning the River Thames, so I shall be keeping all those.

A lady who lived by the Thames

Had a gorgeous collection of ghames;

She had them re-set

In a large coronet

And a number of small diadhames.

I also have a couple of shelves relating to things rural. The History of Place Names, Rural Pastimes, and Local Customs in Buckinghamshire. I am a shocker for collecting books like this, especially as most of them only cost around 50p.  I have books on Windmills, Canals, The Thatched Cottage Homes of England and subjects like the Building of Early Railways.

Here’s one I no longer want. 

This can go down the Hospice shop on Monday.

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I bought a lot of these books years ago from a lady called Iris down at the Bourne End Antique Centre.

Sadly it has now gone, although I did notice that it is still shown there on Google’s ‘Street View‘.

Some of the traders would buy books, too. 

I sold them some books on Vintage Motorcycles, ten years after I had sold the two old bikes. 

An ES2 Norton and a Triumph Tiger 100. 

However this next one can go.

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Probably came from the Antique shop anyway.

As an aside, yesterday I was 

reading this book about anti-gravity.

And do you know, I just can’t put it down!

It will have to stay, but what other books do I no longer use.

Art books. I have loads of those.

How to Paint in Acrylics, Techniques of Famous Artists and about six books on Watercolour Technique. I don’t paint in watercolour anymore. 

They, like this one can all go.

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Well that didn’t take long to de-clutter the library, 

but it’s left huge empty spaces.

Now what can I put on the shelves instead?

How about this?

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Now before you think I’m overdoing this here Mediterranean Diet, there is a reason for all this red wine being here. A couple of weeks ago ALL wine in Sainsbury’s was 25% off. Some Italian red was 50% off, and for every six bottles you bought they knocked off another 5%.

As I’m on a diet, this was an offer I couldn’t miss, and didn‘t!

You see, it was all in the larder last week but as my pantry sticks out from the kitchen, with its own little tiled roof, it got hotter and hotter and hotter. Eighty two degrees here yesterday and again today!

Not having a cellar, I thought it better to find somewhere cooler for my ‘medicine’. 

In addition you see, today, experts tell us -

“A compound found in red wine could actually improve balance. “
“The compound has also been shown to help stave off  heart disease and cancer by reducing inflammation.”

So what was the point of me telling you all this?

The title of this post should have given you a clue as to what it was all about.

Here’s a few more clues -

‘How to lay Carpets’ by Walter Wall.
(Wall to wall). !!!

‘A Consumer Guide to Credit‘ by Owen Munny.

‘Taking up Singing‘ by Topsy Sharp.

And a joke to finish.

An elderly lady was crossing the footbridge over River here at Bourne End. It was very windy and she was holding firmly onto her hat with both hands.

An English gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward,
but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any knickers and that your private bits are exposed!" said the English gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,

"Sir, anything you see down there is 80 years old.

This hat, I only bought yesterday!"

-I-

“Laugh and the World laughs with you.

Weep and you weep alone.”

Mind how y'go.

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"Eat, Drink and be Merry"

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Do you know - (OK, a silly question - of course you don‘t) - that I have probably spent the best part of the last twenty years trying to lose weight?

It must have been around 1992 when I went the quacks because I had rediscovered the delights and problems that I had had as a child - namely asthma. My poor Granddad suffered terribly, and I can remember him puffing away in the wood shed on so called ‘Asthma cigarettes’ and probably making things worse for him. 

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A Smoking Gradpa toy.

I guess that asthma, like our long noses, must have ‘run’ in the family, as without fail, after a compulsory ‘cross-country’ five mile run, I would be off school for at least two days, wheezing and puffing and forced to inhale, from under a tea-towel, a hot vapour, known in those days as ’Friar’s Balsam’. 

Of course, as a child I had visions of this sly monk brewing up a foul mixture in this vast iron pot in a remote monastery way down in the West Country.  Later in life, maybe ten years later, I was to enjoy a totally different and most pleasurable liqueur from a monastery, not in Devon, but from Normandy in France, known as Benedictine.

The brew from the Devon Benedictine Abbey was just a ‘tonic wine’.

Never mind, still a good reason to enjoy a visit to the Abbey in Buckfastleigh, Devon. 

A travelling friar named Phipps,

Called at Heaven on one of his trips.

He quickly sold God

Ten penn’orth of Cod,

And St. Peter - two penn’orth of chips!

Enough of tonics, back to foul medicine.

For asthma, there was also this horrid concoction called ‘Liqufruta’ tasting of liquorice (which I love) and garlic which, (thanks to ‘Liqufruta Garlic Cough Medicine’) I cannot bear to this day. (Sorry ladies.)

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True! It's used for killing Vampires!

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Another ‘smelly’ thing Mom used on us was Vick. It was supposed to ‘open the nose’ and ‘sooth the throat’, but we boys could never understand why it was rubbed on our chests?

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Pam Ayres was also a devotee -

I’m sitting on the sofa,

By the fire and staying in,

Me head is free of comfort

And me nose is free of skin.

Me friends have run for cover,

They have left me pale and sick

With me pockets full of tissues

And me nostrils full of Vick.

I expect it all helped, but strange as it might seem, after getting into my teens and enjoying cider, girls, beer, real ale and more girls, the ‘tight-chest-iness’ (and choir-boy voice) disappeared.                

So for thirty years from then, I had been ‘wheeze-free’ and Doc free. **

**(As an aside, and this is perfectly true, I had been down here in Bucks for nigh on thirty years, and my registered  Doctor had been a hundred miles away back in Kings Norton! The anomaly was discovered when my dear old Dad went to see Dr. McCulloch, and he enquired as to how ‘young’ Bernard was, as he not seen him for some time. Dad of course revealed my whereabouts and it was then that I then had to register with a local doctor.)

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Doctors, dentists and checkups; not something I actually look forward to. 

I went for my routine check-up last Tuesday and everything seemed to be going fine until he stretched on a surgical glove and stuck his index finger up my backside! 

Woops, I thought. It’s about time I found myself a new dentist!

But seriously, I did receive a good, but unwelcome, check-up.

And I thought I was Doc free!

But all good things come to an end.

Doc did give me an ‘inhaler’, BUT he also checked my heart, my liver and my triglycerides, my blood pressure and my credentials, all my bits & pieces and cholesterol levels as well. 

I was caught, ‘Hook, line and sinker.’ 

Once ‘they’ have got you they never let go! 

So now in addition, I also take these blood-pressure pills, water-pills and things called Statins! 

I was also then instructed to lose weight.

Then, when I told him I couldn’t stop singing 

'The Green, Green Grass of Home', 

he said I probably had ‘Tom Jones Syndrome‘.

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"Is it common?" I said.

“Well,” he replied,

"It's Not Unusual."

A low fat diet was called for, I was told.

Well, I’ve been on skimmed milk (0.1% fat) for 20 years now. Haven’t lost an ounce!

I don’t use butter or any other ‘spreads’. Haven’t lost an ounce!

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I don’t eat any cakes, sweets, choccies or biscuits. (except of course Jan’s Cookies).

And - you’ve guessed. Haven’t lost an ounce!

No chips or fried foods, in fact, years ago I actually gave away my frying pan.

And drink? They always ask you about that don’t they?

“Let me see your hands.” the doctor said. “Mmm, they are a bit shaky.“

“Do you drink much?”

“No,” I said. “I spill most of it.”

And then of course he asked about smoking and exercise.

Well, I have never smoked. 

No, never.

“What never?” He enquired. 

No! Not never.

“Not ever?”

(Sounds a wee bit Gilbert & Sullivan here.)

Well, maybe years ago on a wee pipe that I bought in Austria.

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But not for the last forty years.

However, when I was a lad smoking was not considered bad for you. In fact there were these adverts like this one encouraging it to help you lose weight.

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“And exercise?” He enquired.

Well, every morning I begin by standing on a comfortable surface where I have plenty of room at each side.  Then with a 5 lb potato bag in each hand I extend my arms straight out from my sides and I hold them there as long as I can.  I try to reach a full minute and then I relax..

As each day passes, I find that I can hold this position for just a bit longer.  After a couple of weeks I move up to 10 lb potato bags.

I then try 50 lb potato bags and eventually I try to get to where I can get to lift a 100 lb potato bag in each hand and hold my arms straight for more than a full minute.

Eventually, once I’ve mastered this, I feel confident to put a potato into each bag.......

Still haven’t lost an ounce.

So he suggest I try a Mediterranean diet.

Now this looks a really interesting diet, apart from the garlic! (Thanks to that ‘aversion therapy’ from Liqufruta.)  

Pasta, olive oil, tomatoes, peppers and wine!

(And always avoid the - miles from the Mediterranean, 

really-bad-for-you, high-calorie Yorkshire Pudding.)

It said preferably drink red wine as it contains anti-oxidants. 

Now I know for a fact, that I have loads of ‘oxidants‘. 

I get them behind the ears, under the arms and around the crutch!

At last I have a cure - Red Wine.

So, last Wednesday I was in Sainsbury’s buying up some bottles of Chianti, Bardolino and Montepulciano….  

Some lovely ‘oily’ fish, and not forgetting, a few red peppers and some olive oil.

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And home grown tomatoes and courgettes.

Word must have got around as when I got home, there were these two women at the door, doing a survey on weight loss. 

They asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for a whole 30 minutes!

I think they were just Hovis Witnesses.

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Make ‘light’ of all your troubles, 

and may all your ‘weight problems’ be little ones!

Salute!

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Always check the Small Print

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I have discovered that I don’t really need to buy a local paper anymore for the local news,

unless I want to buy a second-hand fridge, that is.

The papers are mostly all free on-line now,

although you don‘t usually get a £5 Tesco voucher thrown in.

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This weeks roundup

from the Local Rags included :-

‘Thame Gazette’ reporting that a lorry has shed its 5 ton load of onions all over the south bound carriageway of the M40 near Banbury.

The Police are advising motorists to find a hard shoulder to cry on!

‘Bucks Free Press’ carries a report that all three toilet seats had been stolen from the Police station in Princes Risborough over the weekend.

A Police spokesman said “This is very baffling, we’ve got nothing to go on!“

The ‘Maidenhead Advertiser’ reported that Angus O’Smith had been charged with murder, for killing a man with sandpaper. He pleaded ‘Not guilty’ and said that he’d only intended to rough him up a bit.

‘Thame Today’ mentioned that a bakers in Haddenham is refusing to disclose how much salt they put in their bread.

They said this information was only made available on a knead-to-know basis.

And from the ‘Buckinghamshire Examiner‘.

“An East European cleaning lady is taking her manager to court for unfair dismissal.

The company gave her the sack because it took her 5 hours to hoover just one office floor.

It turns out she was a Slovak!”

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But, I’m told, we are about to enter an even more exciting new age.

I was reading a bit in one of the ‘big boys’ papers -

“There is a massive opportunity for content producers and media providers to start to bring TV viewers into ecosystems specifically designed as part of the content they are watching, and deliver a richer experience. “

This means that if you watch a cookery program they will assume you are a ‘foodie’ and bombard you with adverts linked to food products.

The report continued -

“This sort of ‘Interactive TV’ is already here – is just doesn’t happen through your TV.” (yet!)

“Web and social media teams exist in marketing departments, and are focused on creating fans and getting people to watch the TV programs (and the ad breaks), buy the DVD, go to the movie theatre.”

I’m sure this is already happening on-line, as ever since I read various reports about the Concordia fiasco, loads of annoying little adverts on quite a few sites, have been showing me -

Cruise Holiday Offers!

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I don’t think I’ll bother this year, thank you very much!

And, I’m not actually very keen for buying things on-line.

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You see for me, there are just too many things to go wrong.

I’m one of those people who ‘attract disaster’ when sending off for things through the post.

Wrong colour, wrong size or just plain just

‘won’t work’!

If you get it from a real shop at least you can take it back, rather than having to wrap it up, cart it down the PO and pay for the return postage.

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The other thing that puts me off ,is having to punch your Debit card number into the ’bowels’ of the internet.

It’s bad enough having people watching you key in your PIN in shops and garages.

Actually, I now always pay cash for petrol, as the garage here in Bourne End was one of those caught ‘fishing’ for people’s card numbers and PINs.

I trust the ’big’ utilities.

Well you don‘t really get much choice do you?

Thames Water have just written to me to say next years Direct Debit will be £54 a month.

With the letter was leaflet from Oxfam, for ‘Aid for Africa’.

They said a £2 donation will provide a whole African village with enough water for a month.

Mmmmm,

Perhaps I should switch supplier!

This technology thing is taking over I fear. ‘Smart meters, smart phones, smart cards so that you don’t need cash anymore.

Where is it going to end?

Here’s another thing that could easily go wrong -

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“LG Smart Fridge – Launched at the CES show in Las Vegas this year,

the refrigerator has a health manager feature

to help you diet

which includes automatic re-ordering

from your online grocery account

(via bar code scanner),

displaying healthy recipes on the screen

and

communicating with a smart oven

to ensure best optimal cooking time.”

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What did I tell you!

The fridge 'automatically re-ordered'
an
'Oven Ready Bird'!

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Christmas Dinner and Angels.

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Thank you all for your Seasonal good wishes and lovely comments (and ‘reacties‘) on last weeks blog. You are all very kind. Many times this year, I have often thought the comments to be more interesting than my posting!

At the moment, the weather here is very mild for the time of the year and yesterday morning, as I looked out up a very sad, drab and colourless garden, I noticed my Christmas dinner approaching to pick up the seeds I had put out as bait.

Three Red Legged Partridge…….but sadly, no Pear Tree!

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Only joking. I couldn't eat such lovely wild birds.

It’s turkey for me as usual.

By now you will have all had your ’fill’ of Christmas cheer. I certainly felt full to bursting at three o’clock yesterday. Everything was just too good to leave.

  

For many years now I have shared Christmas Day with a very good friend. Not only do we share company, but also the cooking. I cook the turkey here at my place and she does all the vegetables and trimmings. I load the hot cooked turkey into the car and drive the 163 miles over to her house.

No, no! I joke about the miles. It’s a five minute trip.

This scheme works well. Using two ovens is so much easier to get things right.

Get ready!

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Get steady!

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Go!

It doesn’t get cold and is in fact ideal, because I read the other day:-

“Do let the turkey rest. It’s a crucial part of the cooking time, so never, ever, carve a turkey straight out of the oven. It needs at least half an hour covered in foil and sitting on the side, (valuable time in which to make the gravy and finish the vegetables).” 

It arrived safely and a smashing meal was enjoyed by all.

The jokes in the crackers were unusually good this year.

I saved mine and thought I’d share it with you…… 

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When four of Father Christmas’s Elves fell sick, the trainee Elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

The Elf 'n Safety directives from the eu, were also causing extra expense and long delays.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit, and that stressed Santa even more.

Later that evening, when he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the sacks fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Father Christmas went in the house for a glass or two of mulled cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the Elves had drunk all the cider and taken the only bottle of rum. 

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the bristles off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an very irritated Santa crunched his way to the front door, yanked it open, and there stood a sweet little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The little angel said very cheerfully, 

“Merry Christmas, Santa“. 

“Isn’t this a lovely day?” 

“I have a beautiful tree here for you – 

where would you like me to stick it?”

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And so started the age old tradition of putting......

.... an Angel on top of the Christmas Tree!

Poor old Wes, for the first time ever, on Christmas Day, he had been on his own.

Well, as I'd brought back home the turkey remains to make soup, I carved off a big plateful for him. That cheered him up no end and as I settled down with a big glass of Green Ginger Wine, he curled up on my feet to sleep it off.

(The turkey that is. Not the Ginger Wine!)

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Wired up for "Carols from Kings".

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Boxes of Goodies.

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I did a post, years back called ‘Little Boxes’.

It was prompted by the song of the same title.

The boxes I was referring to then,

were boxes of things I had that needed restoring.

Today, however, I am prompted by totally different boxes,

in fact parcels.

I will now flip back to just after World War II,

around 1946-7 when I was five, and living at Thackeray Road.

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Little B at Thackeray.

I can remember a very impressive box that arrived there one day.

It had come from a family in the United States.

When opened, it revealed its precious contents - food!!

Yes, it was a food parcel!

You are going to ask how I could remember this.

Well some things stick in your memory don’t they.

I can remember things from those days better than I can remember phone numbers and even names from yesterday!

And why does it remain a memory?

Because the parcel contained amongst other things, a tin of pineapple.

After all the dull flavours of war rations, this taste, my first taste of pineapple in fact, was something ‘out of this world’.

These parcels were sent over from the US by kind Americans and Canadians who made up boxes of goodies that they thought we might enjoy.

There was a name and address enclosed

and Mom would have written to the family to thank them.

How families were chosen to receive these I have no idea,

but every food parcel being made up, would be different.

I can only remember the pineapple,

but I expect there were other things like tins of ham, sausages, fruit and even tinned cream. Of course there could not be anything fresh as these parcels came over by boat and the journey would have taken weeks.

I vaguely remember a tin of salmon being included but I don’t recall trying it. I bet my Mom polished that off.

She adored salmon.

Back now to December 2011.

This morning at 9:05am I found this in the porch.

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A parcel from California.

It had not taken five weeks to ship, but just over five days!

And on reading the ‘Customs Declaration’ - it contained food!

To be honest I had been tipped off

and was looking out for the postie.

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He rode straight past at eight thirty -

not even a Christmas card today.

This parcel arrived half a hour later by courier.

It was from my blogger pal, Jan,

in Sloughhouse, California

and contained the promised home-made Cookies.

I mailed her straight away to thank her

and to let her know that it was safe

and sound and not just a box of 'Cookie Crumbs!'

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"....boxes of goodies that they thought we might enjoy."

You bet!

Gosh Jan. You have packed those well.

Each Cookie type in its own wee box.

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Chocolate Chip Cookies

and

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Chocolate Cookies

and

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Peanut Butter Cookies.

That, by the way, is Jan's message on the box!

He, he!

And to cap it all, a 'Christmas Pressie'.

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I shall open that nearer Christmas Jan.

Thanks ever so much. {Hugs}

Now as the saying goes -

"The Proof of the Pudding is in the Eating"

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Time for Cookies and coffee.

Mmmmmm.

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Says it all, really!

Many, many thanks. More {hugs}

I popped up all the pictures above so Jan could see that her excellent packing protected all the important contents which all arrived safely.

Not one broken biscuit. (sorry- cookie!).

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PS How long will they keep Jan?

(in a Biccie tin of course).

(Cookie jar?)

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Raised from my slumbers.

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Everybody seems very busy these days

judging from what I read on all of your blogs.

I'm busy too, but not on anything of interest.

Sylvie has been making Bread Pud!

The proper way, from left over bread.

The Bread Pudding in Thame Market is £1.50 a chunk!

Mmmmm, I could buy a whole loaf for that.

Are we being ripped orf?

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Sorry that is not Bread Pud, but it is Thame Market last week,

with home made Eccles cakes and Carrot cake.

(to tempt CherryPie)

And this next one is even better than Bread Pud.

Lardy Cake!

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A bit pricey I thought as it always used to be

a cheap alternative to those 'posh' cakes with lots of eggs.

(a temptation for Foody)

So much for calories.

Molly did a very interesting bit on Sempervivums.

I have always liked these.

We used to call them 'Ice plants'.

I've no idea why.

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Anyway. here is a few from my collection.

Tomatoes are coming on well. A bit chilly at nights,

but they have quite a few trusses forming.

Deb, asked about that tomato plant that I grew,

that thought it was a beanstalk.

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Here it is. Out through the roof.

( the blog was here Deb.)

Doohie was interested in my Mulberry trees.

I can't find the old posts just this minute,

but I have two trees which I grew from seed twenty-five years ago.

One is morus nigra, a black mulberry and

the other is called morus alba.

An unusual white version.

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They are very sweet and juicy......

and

all the birds in the neighbourhood know this!

Hence I never get to eat many.

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My garden has been blessed with a good

showing of Aquilegia this year.

Probably because neither I, nor the birds,

have any desire to eat them!

This one is called 'Pink Bonnets'.

And ......just to 'make the day' for brother Ade.

A cat photo.

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A couple of days ago, Wesley was fast asleep on the lawn,

much to the annoyance of a pair of Magpies,

who had a nest in the tree behind.

They squawked at both Hazel and Wes,

if they dared to get too close.

This went on for ages. Hazel got fed up and came in,

but Wes being an awkward bugger, (taking after me),

refused to budge!

There!

I hope I've answered a few queries,

and kept a few happy?

Sorry if I've not mentioned all my friends,

but,

keep the requests coming - please.

It gives me ideas for future ramblings.

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