"If Music be the Food of Love."

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My neighbour banged on my front door at 2:30am on Friday last.

Can you believe that, 2:30am!

Luckily for him I was still up, 

and tuning the organ’s thirteen Melody pipes for the Regatta at Cookham on Saturday.

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I had to set off at ten o’clock that morning, as I had to be set-up, alongside the river, at 10:30am.

As I waited for the traffic lights on Cookham Bridge, I overheard two blokes who were fishing close by. You see, two cars in front of me was a Hearse and a Funeral Car, and as the lights changed, and we all moved very slowly off over the bridge, one of the fishermen stood up, took off his cap and bowed his head.

When the cars had gone, he put his cap back on, sat back down and carried on fishing.

His mate turns to him and says,

“Pikey, that’s one of the nicest and most respectful things I’ve ever seen you do”

Pike replies, “Well, we were after all, married for nearly 20 years!”

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The regatta field is just upstream from the bridge and alongside Cookham Sailing Club.

The sailing club is here, because it is windy. And of course, wind is something yachtsmen find essential to their sport. It is not something us organ-grinders need in great quantity, just enough to fill our bellows and blow our thirteen Melody pipes!

Last year there was far too much wind everywhere, even without the ‘curried beans‘!

This year there was not so much as a puff.

My pitch this Saturday was just inside the entrance, surrounded by fantastic veteran and vintage cars.

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I was in good company. 

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Just look at the quality (£), oozing out of these Bugatti’s. 

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There were two of these beauties just yards away from me and also the most incredible, irresistible and most desirable ’Bird puller’. (No sorry, I got carried away.) It was an extremely elegant and attractive (£) Rolls Royce.

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I set up my tent and unloaded all my music, beer, bunting, bacon butties and organ.

It was a good pitch, as my playing attracted people as they came in. I say ’people’ but it was really the children that loved the sounds and sights of all my clowns and especially my ’monkey’, or Furry Chimp, to give him his official name.

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When I’m grinding outdoors, I don’t always put up the tent, but here it acts as a screen from the wind, a shade from the sun and of course a dry place for the paper roll music, (and lady friend) if it turns damp.

But as Confucius say -

"Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent".

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This year, as last, I was on my own again. Even though I invited a couple of friends free entry on my pass, it was just Furry Chimp, me and dozens of happy listeners.  

What more could one want?

As I played, I gazed across at those perfectly turned out motors,

And I thought -

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My grip on corners is not as great as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My miles per gallon is appalling.

But here's the worst of it -

Almost every time I sneeze, or cough.... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

It was very crowded this year. I think the glimpse of a bit of blue sky did the trick. As usual they had Dragon boat races most of the afternoon followed by the usual ’Duck race’. 

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You could ‘buy’ a numbered duck for a fiver.

Unfortunately, my duck number 70, stopped on the way downstream to ‘chat-up’ a few birds!

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As I realised I was ‘out for a duck’, I noticed that most of the young children in tow, also looked a bit bored at this mid-stream activity and it was only on hearing and seeing my organ in full blow that their interest picked up. At one stage I felt like one of those Punch & Judy set-ups on the beach. You know, with rows of children sitting in front on the sand.

It was great, and of course they all wanted to give the Furry Chimp a cuddle.

It was a most successful day, with everyone enjoying themselves and my charity collection tub was getting very heavy. I don’t at the moment have a favourite charity that I collect for, and here all donations were collected and distributed by Cookham Rotary Club.

As my dear friend Molly was requesting some more of my videos, I did have a go, but with all the activity, noise from cars and motorbikes, to say nothing of people walking in front of my camera, it was not easy.

Anyway, towards the end of the afternoon, as people thinned out I did get a couple of clips which, as they are not too bad, I shall inflict on you via YouTube.

If it looks as if I am talking to myself - I probably am - it comes with old age!

No. I’m usually thanking people for dropping coins into my pot, asking children not to poke the monkey’s eyes out or making sure they don’t knock the camera off its tripod!

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And this week, as you have all been kind, faithful followers - 

- you get a WOGOF.

“Watch one, get one free”!

No. 

On second thoughts, I had better change it to a BOGOF. 

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Hope you like both of these?

The reason I chose those two tunes, is that they are sort of test pieces, to make sure that your organ valves are operating correctly.

Well ladies, I‘m pleased to say that my organ passed these tests with flying colours!

Years ago, when I was a lad, everything was in ‘Black & White’.

It’s absolutely great now that everything is in flying colours.

Which brings me round to asking -

When you dream in colour, is it a pigment of your imagination?

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“If Music be the food of Love - Play on.”

(And I can serenade any ladies,
at anytime.

at UncB@BTintranet.com)!!!!!

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“Measure twice, cut once.”

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A few of you may have noticed a teeny weeny ‘technical’ bit that I contributed to ‘Kath the Quilter’s blog. It was all about measuring an angle of fifteen degrees. I’m sorry that I may have confused a few ladies (and gentlemen), but these mathematical calculations are an every day  occurrence to us engineers. I was good at trigonometry at school and loved anything mathematical. This is a rather unusual piece of marquetry I did as teenager.

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All made from thin wood veneers. I worked to a published plan, 

so I can’t claim it was my design.

Now days if  I am given an engineering problem in the workshop, I sit down and work it all out on paper first. I then work it out a second time, just to be sure. 

My old woodwork master at school used to say, “Measure twice, cut once.”

I’m sure that could also prove true before cutting out quilt materials?

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A part of my collection of woodworking rules.

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Well today I thought that I had better make amends for all this serious stuff and do one of my ‘light-hearted’ posts, just to prove that mathematics and engineering have a funny side too.

  

Here’s a tale for you.

Once upon a time, three Red Indian squaws who were expecting their first children went to the tribe's Medicine Man for a blessing.

He said to the first squaw: "You must obtain the hide of a buffalo and give birth lying on it".

To the second he said : "You must obtain the hide of a bear and give birth lying on it".

To the third he said : "You must obtain the hide of a hippopotamus and give birth lying on it".

After they'd all had their papooses, the first two squaws felt that the third squaw was more blessed because she'd had twins.

They went to the Medicine Man to complain about the blessing, but he said to them : -

"I thought everybody knew that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides".

This is of course only amusing to those of you who remember from their school days, that the “square of the hypotenuse, is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.”

Groans all round I guess?  This is how one schoolboy found ‘x’!

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But seriously, angles can be interesting.

It was in fact my mother, believe it or not, that got me interested in cutting precise angles. In the 50’s with just us three boys, things had to be shared out equally to avoid any arguments and fights. You know the sort of thing; “Aw, he’s got a bigger piece than me.” Well, Mom used to give us a knife and say, one of you can cut the cake up, and the others can have first choice of the pieces!

I promise you that I can, still to this day, divide things into a precise number of pieces.

I can still take piece of wood, and cut it into say three or five perfect pieces without a rule.   

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And some metalworking rules.

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I have to admit that I passed all my Maths papers at O level and A level, but I did start to struggle a bit when studying engineering at university. 

Boy was it hard! No cutting cake into equal segments there! 

I remember one day hearing about these two engineering students who were cycling across the university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." 

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

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Wonderful old bike!

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All engineering graduates just love mechanical things.

That is not to say that there were not other things in our curriculum.

We did manage to find time for ‘liquid refreshment’ of course, but even then, we were not detached from engineering.

You see,

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

But to the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

But as you can imagine, after a ‘few jars’ of Mitchell & Butlers best, anything could happen. 

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"Oh! Go on! Give us a kiss."

In those days many a good tale was told in the ‘Slug & Lettuce’.

I had an engineering friend on my course, who recalled how he was crossing the Bristol road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." My mate took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, he took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" My friend said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.

So here I am today, a garden full of frogs and hedgehogs, a workshop full of angles, tools and machinery and not a ‘girl’ in sight!

Which reminds me, talking of ‘girls & sight‘.

The other day I was coming back up the road from the shops, with a ‘chicken motive’ tie I had bought for 50p from the local Hospice shop, when I saw this glass eye fall from a window above.

I just managed to catch it before it smashed on the pavement. I looked up to see where it came from, just in time to see a young woman looking down.  

"Is this yours?" I asked. She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" So of course, as she couldn’t see very well, I agreed. 

After puffing up a flight of stairs, she was profuse in her thanks and she offered me a drink. As she was very attractive, I agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?" 

As I was a near-starving-pensioner, I readily accepted her offer and we both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvellous evening. Would you like to stay the night?" 

Of course I hesitated, I had Wesley to feed, so I said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?" 

"No," she replied, "only those who catch my eye."

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Well by now you must be thinking that poor old Uncle Bernard has gone completely ‘off his trolley’. 

You could be right, but don’t forget it takes one, to recognise one, or so I believe?

But, during my last visit to my  doctor, I asked him, 

"How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an Care Home?"

"Well,"  he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a  teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bath."

"Oh, I understand," I  said. "A normal person would use the bucket, because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup." 

 "No" he said. "A normal  person would pull the bath-plug out!

And, then calmly handed me an application form!

And talking of trolleys, this is what I have been making this last week.

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A super-dooper four wheeled Organ trolley with pneumatic tyres!

(And yes, the handle is/was an old 'rolling-pin.)

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"But a Very Good Blower."

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In Thame there is a wee shop with the name

"John the Stitcher".

It is about 8 feet wide and piled high

with leather, in rolls, in sheets

and in thousands of bits all over the

walls and floor.

In fact it is quite difficult to get in,

and very dim inside when you do.

I needed a small bit of leather to make the bellows

for the drum unit I am constructing.

So, in I go -

"Good morning John.

Could you sell me a small piece of leather

for some bellows I am making?"

"No!"

I was just about to turn and leave when he had second thoughts and said that he only had, red leather for bellows.

I said, I didn't mind what colour and showed him my sample piece.

"No don't sell that! That's sheep's skin."

So that was that!

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This is also a 'John', but not living in Thame.

He is John Jones, who makes and restores bellows

in a workshop behind his house in Wiltshire.

Now he, looks a kind and helpful chap.

However, I decided to have a go at using

'Blackout Cloth'.

It's not as long lasting as leather, but quite a few

people use it for bellows in small organs.

I thought you may like to see how it's done?

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Cardboard stiffeners are stuck to

the inside before folding.

Sorry, I got this picture in the wrong position......

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....but it shows WW2 blackout curtains

being drawn in a cinema.

And whilst I was Google-ing for 'blackout',

I found this!

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Painting a cow so that it could be seen

in the dark during the blackouts.

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Anyway, back to my bellows.

Here is the finished thing all folded and

tuck'd and stuck'd.

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The little valve is tucked up in his little

airtight box (with a perspex lid)

and he will be lifted up by a 'Puff '.

No, not a 'poof', but a 'puff'.

(Can you say things like that, these days?)

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The 'puff' is a wee leather bag,

about the size of a postage stamp, which inflates

and raises the valve sitting above it.

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Cheating - I lifted it by hand.

I tried to blow down the pipe and take a picture

at the same time but found I didn't have enough hands!

So, enough 'hot-air' from me.

I must get back into the workshop

and assemble it all with the tambourine.

Before I go, I'll leave you with a dittie.

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"Here lies the body of Meredith Morgan,

Who blew the bellows of our old church organ.

No reflection on him for rude speech could be cast,

Yet he gave our organist many a blast.

No puff was he, but a very good blower,

He could fill double ‘G’, but now lies a note lower."

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Amen.

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Noo pipes.

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Here they are.

Finished Piccolo pipes.

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Now I expect you wonder what they sound like.

Well they are not usually played on their own.

A piccolo is usually added just to give that extra octave higher.

I haven't had much success with sound on blogger,

but I thought I would give it another try.

If this doesn't work (or sound right) I shall

delete it.

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Now someone, somewhere,

promised me Chocolate Chip Cookies,

so, it's......

"California, here I come!"

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Well?

I 'm not sure it's quite right,

but at least you know they play!

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A Mixed Bag.

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"Eileen, achara, I hear someone tapping."

"Tis the ivy, dear mother, against the glass flapping."

"Eily, I surely hear somebody sighing,"

"Tis the sound, mother dear, of the summer wind dying."

These are some words from a lovely Irish song called

the Spinning Wheel.

Eileen's mother was blind therefore not knowing that her

daughter's lover was outside tapping on the window.

I had a tapping on the window yesterday!

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It is usually Wesley,

squeaking his wet paws up and down the glass.

Five o'clock - "Where's my breakfast?"

So fed the cats.

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Made myself a coffee,

Checked that the garden was still there.

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And thought. hey ho!

What shall I blog about today?

I've loads of bits about 'this and that' ,

but not enough 'meat' to justify a post all to itself.

So today is a mixed bag, until I get myself sorted.

I've been busy building these new pipes for the organ.

Here they are in situ, ready to be voiced and tuned.

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I did a write up on the construction,

over on Tracker-bar.blogspot.

It has kept me busy, but I still just about

found time to get up to Cliveden to see how the Tulips are coming on.

Last year they planted up the Long Garden with thousands.

It took me three visits to to catch them in flower.

But this year, a change.

Still thousands, but now blue Hyacinths.

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The perfume as you walked down

that centre aisle was amazing.

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Fancy planting all those!

I bet someone had backache.

I also found out that the new maze was now open,

although I didn't have time to give it a go.

They were still laying it out the last time I went.

On this visit I tried taking short clips using my camera

in 'movie' mode. I was going to post some up,

but found I wasn't very good at holding the camera steady.

They also needed a bit of sound or background music.

I shall work on it.

Here's a sample - just testing.

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The trouble with blogger is that these clips are a bit on the small side.

Still what do you expect for free?

I may have to upload something larger to YouTube I think,

and add some nice Irish tunes.

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"Brass Monkey-Organ Weather"

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What a strange weekend it was, weather-wise!

They forecast a warm day on Saturday,

followed by cooler Sunday with a cold east wind.

What we ended up with, at Milton Keynes, was a cold east wind on Saturday,

and not a single glimpse of the sun!

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Under the Oak Tree.

The cold weather certainly kept the public away, but with some 'forty odd' organs there, it was actually a very sociable 'get-together'. A lot of 'grinders' turned up with their caravans and made it a two-day do. Those with vans managed to sit out of the wind and probably cook themselves a hot meal. No such comfort for Dennis and I as we sat on the tail-gate of the Renault and shivered. At one stage, I had to lend Dennis a pair of gloves I kept in the car!

Twenty-two degrees C, they forecast -

it felt more like twelve!

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Dennis took his video camera this year,

and is seen here recording Derek Stevenson,

the BOGA president with his Raffin organ.

My pitch was just to the left in this picture,

so my organ and I were in good company.

Now what have we here?

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The famous "B&Q" Organ.

Now don't laugh please, but this organ is made from items bought in B&Q (DIY/hardware store).

The front, back and sides are made from 'kitchen cupboard' doors, and a lot of the tubing comes from the plumbing dept.

But it does sound good. The pipes on the front are very well made.

It was built by Malcolm Cureton, who being a real good sport, doesn't mind it being referred to as "The B&Q Organ".

At one 'do' some time back, when Malcolm was not around, some jokers opened the door on the back and put pots and saucepans inside!

Malcolm took the joke well. As I said - "a real good sport".

Now in the Museum itself, we have quite the opposite in quality.

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Probably, a Polyphon?.

(Forgive me - I didn't make a 'note' of it.)

Last year I took lots of pictures inside the Museum (see here),

so I'll not repeat them again.

The old farmhouse here has been kept

as it was all those years ago,

with the old kitchen range -

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There was a fire kept in and a lady, in period costume,

was cooking toast on the old 'toasting fork in front of the fire.

This was then buttered, cut into 'fingers' and handed round.

Of course, the children were fascinated as

they had never seen the way we did things years ago.

And this is the laundry.

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But, back outside, more were arriving and setting up.

This below was a very impressive display.

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And this next fellow had built a small vehicle to tow his organ.

Whether or not it was licenced for the road, I know not.

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It is always difficult for me to choose from the loads of photos I take, which are the most suitable and interesting to put up on the blog, as I expect not everyone is interested in organs and their music.

Like this chap.

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Not everyone there appreciated the organ music!

If you missed last years piccies, they are here.

And here.

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Amersham’s Heritage Open Day

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This has to be the first weekend for months and months,

when I have nothing to do.

It's been a busy old Summer with something happening every weekend

and sometimes a clash of dates and events.

This happened on the 12th Sept with

Cookham Downhill Grand Prix.

and

Amersham’s Heritage Open Day.

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I chose Amersham, as there is always lots going on, rather than just one main event.

The High Street was closed off except for rides on a 'vintage' bus. Not really Vintage, but just old.

There were people dressed in period costume. I wasn't sure what period - just old I guess.

Then further down the High St., loads and loads of real vintage cars.

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I only show one of them here, because

I particularly liked the background building.

Last year was also a fine day

and there is a write and different pictures (I hope) on my post here

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This is the new Amersham Town Crier, Mark Jones. He was born in Amersham 51 years ago and has lived in and around the town all his life. He can’t think of a better place to live than his home town. Mark states, “For many years people told me that with my naturally loud voice I should be a Town Crier! Well now I can use this “ability” in my new role. It‘s a position that I feel very honoured, privileged and proud to hold.” As Mark is Amersham’s first Town Crier he has had to have an outfit tailored for him by a leading historical costumier based in Nottingham. His uniform is based on a traditional 1750’s design.

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We were so lucky with the weather and it was great to see so many people enjoying the stalls and shows along The Broadway, High Street and in Church Mead.

Plenty to do, see and hear. Music could be heard at five locations which all added to the heritage atmosphere – the Brass Band in the gardens, the Morris Dancers and the Doyle Dancers in the High St., the superb Re-loaded Rhythm and Blues Band and last but not least, a Fairground Organ from the Amersham Museum.

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The Amersham Band was brilliant as usual in the Memorial Gardens; the clowns were hilarious, plus we had Amersham Townswomen’s Guild selling cakes and teas in Market Hall and Seasons selling refreshments in the Gardens.

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You may have noticed that I'm trying out my new bit of software for the pictures.

I don't want to overdo it, but in some cases it does help. That picture of the Morris Men was surrounded by a large area of brick wall and tarmac road. The blended circle round it reduced this.

And here a colourful surround to the clowns.

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This clown above had a toy dog on a pole.

As he pushed it, its legs 'walked' and this giant poodle

was straining at the lead to try and get hold of it.

And of course I couldn't have a day out without one of these.

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Much more on the history of Amersham can be found here.

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