"R O F L "

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I had to ask what ROFL stood for the other day. I'm afraid I'm not quite up to speed with all this modern texting and stuff. The only ones I remember from earlier days were SWALK and NORWICH which was written on the back of envelopes!

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Well, I learnt ROFL was "Rolls on floor laughing" so as I'd left a joke in the comments I was quite relieved.

It also gave me an idea for todays bit......Music Rolls.

I found this piano roll in the local charity shop for 50p. A bargain? Not really. I don't have a pianola to play it on, but it seemed such an unusual roll as it had the words to the music written vertically so that the child could sing along whilst pedalling.

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More 'junk' to require a home. I ought to open a museum!

Now the winter is upon us with a vengeance, I tuck myself up in the warm and arrange and punch up a few more tunes. Of course before you can do this you need rolls.....and lots of them.

Being unable to buy these off the shelf we have to make do with what is available and convert it.

I use Fax rolls myself which come in useful 40 metre lengths.

The problem is they are too wide, so the first job is to cut them down to 115mm wide with a saw.

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The roll is then transferred to the lathe where I take two cuts to take it down to 110mm.

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It always amazes me that the paper does not fly all over the place. I just parts off in a nice little 'coolie hat'.

Just a quick check...........

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110.03mm

That's less than a hair's breadth over...excellent

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South Of The Border

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O come with me, Ghosts walk tonight,
Victims of bloody border fight
Who made our English history,
Grey phantom Percies lead the way
Against the Douglas chivalry,
Grey ghosts of ancient mystery.

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Recently I've been reading about Northumberland on Cherry Pie's blog.

It looks a facinating place.

I have been 'north of the border' many times, but seem to have always, quite literately, flown over the actual border and its regions. I guess I should have taken my fathers advice and paid it a visit. He always loved walking and this was one of his favourite regions.

As England's 'Border County', it is not surprising that many great battles have been fought on Northumbrian soil between the English and the Scots. Most notable were the battles at Otterburn (1388) and at Flodden Field (1513), but there were many other lesser known battles and Border feuds fought in Northumberland. Until the Union of the English and Scottish Crowns in 1603 life in the Border County could be extremely dangerous and was often a one of strife and misery.

The only music that spring to mind is:-

"South Of The Border (Down Mexico Way)"

South of the border, down Mexico way.

That's where I fell in love where stars above, came out to play.

And now as I wonder, my thoughts ever stray.

South of the border, down Mexico way.

Sorry no sheet music cover today.........but on the subject of borders:-

There seems to be quite a large variation in welcoming parties for illegal immigrants at border crossings....

North Korean border, you get 12 years' hard labour.

Iranian border, you are detained indefinitely.

Afghan border, you get shot.

Saudi Arabian border, you will be jailed.

Chinese border, you may never be heard from again.

Russian border, you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.

Cuban border, you will be thrown into political prison to rot.

UK Border, you get

Free healthcare

An unearned income

A home

Free education for your kids

Furnishings for your home

Free dentistry

Free use of an infra-structure paid for by the toil and taxes of previous generations

The free use of all social facilities

Free translation services

Agencies that will help you settle in

Free round the clock police protection

You will find the law is weighed in your favour

And I expect you'd like a 'border' joke to finish...

A young boy arrived late for school.

“Why are you late, Norman?“ asked the teacher.

“I’m sorry, miss, but I had to get my own breakfast today.”

“All right, Norman. Settle down. We are doing geography and here is a map of Asia. Can you tell me where the Pakistan border is?”

“Yes miss, in bed with Mum. That’s why I had to get my own breakfast.”

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I Drink it when I’m Happy.

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"Drinking Songs".....There must be hundreds, but they all seem to be - Beer Drinking Songs.

They range from "Down at the Old Bull and Bush" to "Roll Out the Barrel".

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I was after a wine drinking song, but no luck. So can you pretend the above is a Wine Barrel?

Now what is all this about?

“British households are pouring £470 million worth of wine down the plughole every year.”

And has someone asked every British household?

No? …..so where does this figure come from?

The figure has been collated for the Waste & Resource Action Programme (Wrap) as advisers to the Government.

Latest data shows that 1.8 million tonnes of food and drink from households end up in sewers, of which some 1.5 million tonnes of waste, valued at £2.7 billion, could have been avoided through better storage or planning.

And has someone asked every British household?

No? …..so where do these figure come from?

According to diaries kept by 319 households across the country the most wasted drink is milk, followed by fizzy soft drinks and then fruit juices and smoothies. Together they account for almost half of all avoidable waste by the 319 households.

So they select 319 households, read what they claim to throw away and then extrapolate to come up with a ludicrous figure for the total country of 26 million households!

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And, by the way, WRAP are urging people to “freeze leftover wine and use it in cooking sauces and casseroles as part of the campaign to cut the nation’s carbon footprint.”

I think they may find that some people (like DD & me) do not have leftover wine.

I challenge them to find any waste wine in my drain, though as with most statistics of this type, I suspect it is largely made up. There is no way anybody can possibly know the true figure, and asking even 1000 homes doesn't give you a true national average. I don't throw away any leftovers, I freeze them or just put them in a tub and eat it the next day.

You can’t beat good old “Bubble ‘n Squeak”.

And..... Wine.

I drink it when I’m happy and when I’m sad;

Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone;

When I have company, I consider it obligatory.

I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and drink it when I am.

Otherwise I never touch it........Unless I’m thirsty !

And to finish....

A man went to see his doctor because his hands kept shaking.

“Do you drink much?” asked the doctor.

“No,” said the man. “I spill most of it.”

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The Loss of a Queen

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It is always sad to see bits of our past disappearing and it is equally sad to see bits of other countries past disappearing as well.

I was reading an article on the 'Sternwheelers of the Mississippi', and I was saddened to read how many of these magnificent boats are operating under the shadow of a death sentence.

It would appear that the US Safety-at-Sea laws are being applied strictly to the letter of the law and not 'the spirit'. They are applying laws that were really meant for large ocean going liners to these fine old wooden rivercraft. The expense of bringing these up to the new standard is colossal and many are being abandoned.

One such vessel is the Mississippi Queen, a sister ship to the Delta Queen shown above.

There can be few more pitiful scenes along the Mississippi than that of the once magnificent Mississippi Queen steamboat tied up at the Perry Street Wharf in New Orleans, where it is disintegrating and falling prey to looters.

Clyde Ory, a 65-year-old New Orleans native who has spent his life working on Mississippi boats and first serviced the engines and pumps of the Mississippi Queen recalled….

“Now that’s gone. All the shipping’s gone. We ain’t got no more work. It’s all gone. You see how dead it is? I remember one time you got ships lining up along this river right behind each other and over there they would be anchored, waiting to come in.”

He pointed to where a large window, now boarded up, on the vessel had been smashed by a port worker so that he could use a crane to steal a grand piano.

You may not think there is a link to music, but there is.

Just listen to this Calliope Music played by Rosalinda DeLeon at the start of the June 2006 Great Steam boat race from Baton Rouge LA to St. Louis MO.

Stirring stuff.

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We can't afford to lose this sort of thing, can we?

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Now there's a Cracker!

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After being 'stumped' for a song to go with yesterdays bit on Christmas trees, I of course later thought of two!

"Gather Round the Christmas Tree" and "O Christmas Tree". The former is a relatively new one, brought out in 1991? (that was the copyright date) whilst the later is a good old traditional German Carol.

So staying on a Chrismassy theme.....but again unable to muster up some sheet music...I give you Crackers......not the ones you have with cheese, but those that contain an excuse for party hat and an even bigger excuse for a joke!

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So what do we find in yesterdays papers?

"New politically-correct Christmas cracker jokes will replace the old this festive season".

PC cracker jokes......just in case someone could be offended and sue them!

Among dozens of jokes getting the boot is: 'What lies quivering at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck'.

But its replacement - 'What lies in a pram and wobbles? A jelly baby' - is hardly a brave new world for comedy.

In a sign of the times, others have been axed because they are now considered politically incorrect - such as one about transvestites.

Mother-in-law jokes and schoolboys' favourites involving cruelty to animals of the 'frog in a liquidiser' variety have also been dropped.

My solution to this would be to have labels on the boxes.

You could have box of "Mother-in-Law Joke Crackers" or a box of "Irish Joke Crackers".

Those who might be offended needn't buy them.......and wouldn't be able to see the joke unless they pulled the cracker.....then in that case it was their fault and they would have no grounds to be offended.

To me the biggest laugh of all were these two 'academics' who have cushy jobs doing all this 'research'.

First off we have a Professor :-

"Garry Whannel, Professor of Media Cultures at the University of Bedfordshire, said: 'Pulling a cracker is a ritual and part of that ritual is knowing the jokes are not very good.

'It's not the quality of the humour that makes crackers fun. The pleasure of them is in the shared recognition that the jokes are groan-inducing.'..."

Do you realise he gets paid to do this!?!

Then also trying to justify his salary we have a Doctor :-

"Dr Chris Ritchie, who runs the world's only degree course in comedy, at Southampton Solent University, added: 'They have got rid of some outdated negative stereotyping by losing the mother-in-law and transvestite material, but have kept the essential corniness that we all love about cracker jokes.' ....."

After this I'll have to finish on a joke. A bit too long for Foody's hand-made crackers.

Two American ladies were touring Wales when they decided to stop for a bite to eat in the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

One of them asked the waitress “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us? Please can you pronounce where we are, very, very slowly?”

The girl leaned over and said…. “Burrr…..gerrrr King”

Now there's a Cracker!

(Apologies to any lovely American or Welsh ladies)

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"I'm Stumped"

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Professor Sir David Read, told The Times that one of the crucial findings of a recent report, was the importance of woods in river catchment areas. “Trees intercept rainfall and retain water, and one of the problems we are seeing now in the Lake District is [that] there is nothing to stop the water running off the hills,” he said. “We must look again at the contribution of forestry in the uplands and returning them in the direction they once were before we deforested them.”

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And then further on I read.......

“Eight million real ‘Christmas’ trees are sold in Britain each year and the Nordmann fir has become the favourite because of its dark green needles, which do not drop.

Growers last night warned hundreds of thousands of the most popular varieties will not be available here this year - pushing up prices in the process.

The shortage is being blamed on the poor exchange rate, which makes it less profitable for foreign producers to export to Britain.”

Well I say “Good!”

Do we really have to ship dead trees around the world just for decorative purposes. There are so many excellent artificial trees available - it isn't necessary to cut down the real thing only for it to be dumped a couple of weeks later.

If you can’t abide artificial trees then it makes more sense, rather than purchasing a cut-off stump, to simply buy a small "Christmas tree" to make a permanent feature in the garden. This could then be decorated each year. Much better than wasting millions of good trees every year for a few weeks' fun.

When I was a child we had a small one growing in the garden. This was dug up each year and placed in a large pot. In those days the Christmas period started twelve days before the ‘big day’ and finished on 2nd January, so the tree was not long indoors. Of course there was no central-heating either to dry it out. It survived many years of this until it got too big for its pot.

Plastic trees are also reasonably good and have improved vastly in recent years.

It seems such a waste to kill a tree for one day's festivities.

Don’t get too upset …..this is only me and my old fashioned views.

But..........

..... out upon the hillside,

Where the Christmas trees had stood,

All was completely barren,

But for little stumps of wood.

The little trees that flourished

All the year, were there no more,

But in a million houses,

Dropped their needles on the floor.

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Stumped?.....Yes I was stumped for sheet music,

although I did find "The Cherry Tree Carol".

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Help!....Chicken out of Date!

I need a bit of help. Well I may need a bit of help or Foody at Singing Chicken may need it.

I noticed and she noticed that she is stuck down the bottom of my favourite blogs list. It is out of date......she has done loads of posts since then but they don't show up.

Now if I go to my "Configure Blog List"......I can see a list of names. Now one of them has a small box alongside it with a small red X on it. Yes it is 'Singing Chicken'. I have no idea what it means.

I have 'removed' her.....and added her back and still I get this 'red hot X'!

So is it something set or not set, in her configuration? ie not allowing feeds?

That little box looks like the 'feed' symbol.

This only seems to have started since her laptop needed repairing....??

Any ideas please.

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Tom, Dick and Harry

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Tom, Dick and Harry were lazing around telling jokes.

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Tom said that yesterday he nipped down to his 24hour one-stop-shop for some bananas.

When he got there the shopkeeper was out the front locking up.

"Hey", he said, "That sign says you're open 24 hours".

"Yes", said the shopkeeper, "We are, but not necessarily all in a row!

Dick then told of a postman confronted by a small boy and a huge dog.

The postman said to the boy "Does your dog bite?"

"No," replied the boy.

Just a second later the dog sprang at the postie and bit him on the leg.

The man yelled "I thought you said your dog didn't bite?"

"He doesn't", replied the boy, "that's not my dog!"

Harry then offered up his story......

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a rolled up newspaper.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"Hunting Flies",he responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?", she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females!", he responded.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone!”

And did you know?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

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My Mother had a Flit Gun,

It was not devoid of charm.

A bit of Flit,

Shot out of it,

The rest shot up her arm!

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They must be Barking Mad.

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Had quite a response to "Puppy-Pie" post yesterday. I knew a few doggie lovers would be on to me like shot. Of course there may be no truth at all in the tale. I can just imagine two hundred years ago, old men sitting in the bar in "Dog and Badger" (a real pub in Medmenham by the way), telling tales and passing on tall stories. I bet some of these tales were brought up the river from London by the bargemen themselves.

So still on the Doggie theme, look what I found.

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They must be Barking Mad.

"Bracknell Police came up with the idea of a 'Doggie Identity Parade'. They thought it was a good way of picking out the dog that bit a woman. They tried to force a woman savaged by a dog to pick out her attacker from a line-up of mutts."

But there is something very wrong about a dog identity parade. What if an innocent pooch were picked out by mistake?

He would have no recourse to explain himself, or give an alibi.

He would not be able to tell police he could not possibly have been in the park on the day in question, because he was locked in the utility room for making a mess on the carpet.

"In their ultimate wisdom, Bracknell Police decided on the canine collection to confirm the identity of this ladies attacker after the dog was returned to its owner.

The woman, who had to have 65 stitches after the attack and was in hospital for four days, said the identification parade was "totally ridiculous"......."

I’m not sure of the exact circumstances surrounding which dogs were included in the line up, but judging from the victim’s reaction, I’m guessing it was more a case of six different breeds rather than six dogs of the same breed. Which seems utterly ludicrous.

What’s next? A parade of cats to find which one defecated on next door’s lawn?

A line up of rabbits to identify who chewed the curtains?

Something to keep you smiling.....

I am a bunny rabbit,

Sitting in me hutch,

I like to sit up this end,

I don’t care for that end much.

I’m glad tomorrow’s Thursday,

’Cause with a bit of luck,

As far as I remember,

That’s the day they pass the buck!

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"Puppy-pie"

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When London’s getting hot and dry,

And half the season’s done,

To Marlow you should quickly fly,

And bask there in the sun.

There pleasant quarters you may find –

The “Angler” or the “Crown”

Will suit you well, if you’re inclined

To stay in Marlow town.

1886: A Marlow Madrigal, J. Ashby-Sterry

About three miles upstream from here is the town of Marlow.

I have to admit that I have not previously heard of Ashby-Sterry but I, and I expect most of you, have heard of the poet Shelley.

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He lived in Marlow for short while and the house, still standing, is marked with one of the usual round blue plaques.

An extract from his wife’s diary states…...

"During the year 1817 we were established at Marlow, in Buckinghamshire. Shelley's choice of abode was fixed chiefly by this town being at no great distance from London, and its neighbourhood to the Thames.

Poems were written in his boat, as it floated under the beech groves of Bisham, or during wanderings in the neighbouring country, which is distinguished for peculiar beauty. The chalk hills break into cliffs that overhang the Thames, or form valleys clothed with beech; the wilder portion of the country is rendered beautiful by exuberant vegetation; and the cultivated part is peculiarly fertile."

We have a beautiful suspension bridge here at Marlow which gets a mention in a story and film and has acquired a certain notoriety in connection with a "puppy pie".

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From the Railway Children by Edith Nesbitt -

"You mustn't take no notice of my Bill," said the woman;

"'is bark's worse'n 'is bite. Some of the kids down Farley way is fair terrors. It was them put 'is back up calling out about who ate the puppy-pie under Marlow bridge."

"Who did?" asked Phyllis.

"I dunno," said the woman.

"Nobody don't know! But somehow, and I don't know the why nor the wherefore of it, them words is poison to a barge-master."

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The background to this is thus explained:-

"The landlord of the inn at Medmenham had received private information that certain bargemen meditated that night a foray on his larder. He was a humorous man, who had just drowned a litter of young puppies. So he had their corpses baked in a pie, which he placed in the larder, and did not sit up to keep guard. The larder was robbed, the pie was carried off and conveyed to Marlow Bridge, where the plunderers feasted, as they supposed, on young rabbits."

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Let's Weather the Weather

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Was is Rain?

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Well, if it looks like rain and feels like rain.......

.....It must be rain!

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I noticed that several areas recorded record rainfall for November. Gale-force winds are expected and the Met Office has issued 30 flood warnings and more than 70 flood watch alerts.

There seems no end in sight to the rain this month.

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Among the many events that have been cancelled due to bad weather was the World’s Biggest Liar Competition, scheduled to take place in Santon Bridge, near Whitehaven.

Cumbria Organisers said that when they tried to tell people the event was cancelled, no one would believe them.

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Whether the weather be cold

Or whether the weather be hot;

We’ll weather the weather ,

Whatever the weather,

Whether we like it or not.

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"I’m Hexpecting a Hegg"

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Well I don't know how everyone else is managing to make ends meet these days, but I have been reduced to looking at, indeed buying, supermarket's 'Own Brands'.

'Value', 'Economy' and all that.

Actually they are good for a lot of things. On the bag of apples for instance, it stated "All shapes and all sizes but same Quality". Who cares about the shape? They are rejecting too much good food these days anyway.

On Wednesday I bought a huge carton of mushrooms for 77p, which was quickly converted into six cartons of soup and frozen.

But the funniest I have encountered so far were these economy eggs.

Obviously they save money by not grading them?

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It was a chicken egg.....and it did have a double yoke! Lovely.

That little glass eggcup on the right, contains one of those artificial eggs used to encourage hens to lay. That eggcup is another one of those 'items from my past'.

It is the sole survivor from a set of four given to my mother for a wedding present. Just think of all the eggs that little fellow has carried over the years.

Now I tried hard for 'Egg Music' but with no success, and all I could find on chickens, was 'The Chicken Dance', which is probably not the correct title anyway.......so

A little of a Pam Ayres poem.

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I’m Hexpecting a Hegg, a Hillicit Hegg,

A Hegg lyeth here, in my breast,

While the trees were bright-leaved

I rashly conceived,

A Hegg, Houtside of the Nest.

The crow stood on one leg, said “You’re having an Egg,

And the other birds feel your are bad,

But if with me you came,

You’d be free of your shame,

Of having an Egg with no Dad.”

“For a nominal fee, I will take you to see,

My friend, who lives up the back doubles,

If you swear not to fail,

To pay on the nail,

He will duff up the source of your troubles.

She was made to sit in, a bathful of gin,

And she was obliging and meek,

She was made to consume,

Some soap and a prune,

And her feathers fell out for a week!

With apologies to Pam Ayres

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For all those 'Chicken Fanciers' I am told that the picture is of a Polish Bearded Golden-Laced Chicken!

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Is a chicken crossing the road….poultry in motion?

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Finally

'We've got chickens in our backyard

We feed 'em on Indian corn,

Some lay eggs and some lay pegs

And some lay nothing at all.

Chase me Charlie, Chase me Charlie,

Lost the leg of me drawers.

If you find it, never mind it,

Stitch it on to yours'.

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"Belgian girls of vast proportions!"

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THE Belgian politician poised to become president of Europe was last night dismissed as a clown.

Herman Van Rompuy faced a massive surge of opposition as other leaders began the task of rubber-stamping his elevation to the powerful new job of leading the entire eu.

Don't laugh yet! There's still a chance Blair might get it.

So the eu will at last have the supreme government it has wanted so long – unelected, unaccountable and, as even its own polls show, less popular with those it rules over than ever before. But what do the politicians care? They have the power, and we now have a government we can never dismiss.

But 65 years ago we did not despair.

Where there is life there is hope...my Granny used to say.

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There'll be bluebirds over,

The white cliffs of Dover,

Tomorrow, just you wait and see.

There'll be love and laughter,

And peace ever after,

Tomorrow when the world is free.

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I can add a few more verses (in jest of course)

There’ll be Swedes of charmless candour

Coming over to philander,

Spreading Left-Wing propaganda,

About wealth.

Belgian girls of vast proportions,

Who have failed to take precautions,

Driving over for abortions

On the Health.

There’ll be Spanish senoritas,

Jamming all our parking meters

With their miserable pesetas,

Don’t you know!

While Senoras do the Samba,

Shouting ”vamos” and “caramba!”

And believing that the amber

Light means go.

There’ll be men from Lithuania,

From Rumania and Albania,

From Tasmania and Pennsylvania,

I’ve no doubt.

So, dear immigration panel,

No more P.C. no more flannel.

Please protect our English channel,

And keep them out!

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Goodbye to Bideford Rock

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He was the not-so-gormless Lancashire Lad who became the idol of millions......the favourite of Royalty......a legend in the history of Show Business.

He did it with a toothy grin, wonderfully comic, melody filled songs - and his famous "little ukulele".

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you George Formby.

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Is nothing sacred in this rather crass world of ours?

The forces that dumb down so many aspects of our daily lives have even been at work on that age-old seasonal gift……seaside rock.

No longer is our choice of lettering limited to “From Bideford” or “For Mum”.

You can now buy rock from an extensive range that lets you insult you nearest and dearest as you hand over your sugary memento.

Here are just a few of the ‘trendy’ options now available.

“Slaphead”, whatever that is! “Minger”, “Tosser”, “Slapper”, and the especially charming “Dipstick”.

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We seem to have come a long way in the wrong direction from those days of “Kiss me quick” hats and these saucy postcards.

Sad, don’t you think?

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PS Dennis tell me the amount raised at Saturdays Grind for MacMillan Cancer Support was £189.65.

A good days work and a good day out.

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On Bells and Scrolls

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The above song dates from 1932 and was sung by Gracie Fields. It was also known as the "Big Ben Chime" waltz as the first eight bars match the chimes.

Way back in 1932, Bill Harding would have been twenty.....he is now 97 and is believed to be Britain’s oldest bell ringer.

Mr Harding walks two miles each day to pull the bell that weighs 250kg at St Mary’s Catholic Church, in Brewood, Staffordshire.

He said: “I’ve been doing it for about 23 years. I got asked whether I’d like to do it and I’ve never stopped.”

He also trains children at the village’s primary school to follow in his footsteps. Mr Harding added: “Maybe one of them could be the next generation of bell ringers. But I hope I can keep going until I’m 100.”

And the very best of luck to him. Lets hope he doesn't encounter any 'Elf 'n Safety" bods or even those 'killjoys' that are trying to silence the ringing of Church bells....referring to it as 'sound pollution'!

Whilst on the subject of bells, here are the "bell ringers" that I have just bought. They were made in Holland and put me back a 'bob or two'.

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I couldn't have made anything as good as these. Sometimes you have to admit defeat....never mind I can still claim the organ is 99% "all my own work".

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All that remains now is to paint those scrolls. Every where I spot an organ I photograph the scroll work to get some ideas. There seems to be an infinite combination of colours and styles.

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This is from one of the many organs at Amersham.

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"Wine, ..... and Song"

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The health benefits of being married are so large that single men are at greater risk of dying than smokers, says a study.

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So perhaps I'd better take up smoking then........And drink more red wine as that's supposed to good for the heart.

Scientists have frequently found that married men and women tend to be in better health than their single counterparts.

This is partly because of the "social support" of having a wife or husband - and perhaps because both single men and women have a worse lifestyle - and no-one to look out for their wellbeing.

However, the latest study, by researchers at the University of Warwick, looked at thousands of records from the British Household Panel Survey and the British Retirement Survey.

It found that, even when the effects of smoking, drinking and other poor lifestyles were taken into account, married men had a much lower risk of death.

Over a seven year period, the married male had a 9% lower risk of dying compared with an unmarried one.

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"It makes perfect sense to ask how a ring of gold can possibly do this.

"But the honest answer is, that we don't know."

And a suitable postcard from my collection!

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Sorry ......there was nothing on the back!

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No Shortage of Wind Yesterday.

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Come on! Get that Organ turning!

My word, it was a blustery day in Oxfordshire.

Our organs need quite a ‘bit of wind’, but not in the quantity that was coming up from the south yesterday.

I didn’t get to see if Santa arrived in one piece, in fact he was safely ensconced in his grotto when I arrived. I was staggered to see that it cost £14.95 for a family ticket (2a +2c) to get into the grotto! Just what you got for that I have no idea, but there was long queue of wind-swept children waiting with their patient parents.

The organs were set up in the dry, in an area just outside the restaurant….so handy for those warming cups of tea.

I played from 1 ’till 2, whilst Dennis and Doreen went for their lunch.

I have noticed, whilst turning that it is always people with children that stop and talk to you. The children love the sight and sounds especially when the organs have toy monkeys and other cuddly bits and pieces.

If possible I always let the children have a ‘turn’. Of course they never get the speed right but they look so amazed that they are actually producing the music.

A thousand times better than just pressing a button on an MP3 player!

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Only last week I read that:-

“Learning a musical instrument helps to boost children's memory”

I would have thought learning anything would improve a child’s memory. Or, for that matter, anyone’s memory.

But here we have a government-commissioned study suggesting…..

"Learning a musical instrument is beneficial for children’s behaviour, memory and intelligence.

Research found that learning to play an instrument enlarges the left side of the brain, enhancing pupils’ power of memory by almost 20 per cent."

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Susan Hallam, of the University of London’s Institute of Education, carried out the research as part of a drive to encourage more children to take up a musical instrument.

The study revealed that over time music lessons increased pupils’ IQ by seven points, compared with 4.3 points for drama lessons

The Government aims to double the number of opportunities for children, aged from seven to eleven, to learn an instrument for free by 2011.

This has to be one of the few bits of good news to surface recently.

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The Things you Read on the Back

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I wasn't sure about a theme for today, apart from the weather.

I'm off to a Garden Centre to help out with a bit of organ grinding and I'm told Father Christmas is arriving today and they want us to play appropriate music!

I think the above should suit!

Poor old Kath has gone off to Glastonbury Carnival for the weekend. It sounds as if the event may be a washout. I think she said she was staying in her caravan.......I only hope it doesn't get blown over.

Perhaps more appropriate music!

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I think today I will include a couple of postcards from my collection.

The fronts are nice.....but the the things you read on the back!!!

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Dear Ma, when you open this postcard

You will see all the news I’ve not got.

I’m not living here, I removed there last year,

So come round and see where I’m not!

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Dear Liz, if you don’t get this message,

Please answer at once and I’ll know,

My sister’s got wed, our little dog’s dead,

And I hope you’re the same….. Darling Joe.

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It's No Laughing Matter.

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Michael Rosen, the former children's laureate, set up the “Roald Dahl Funny Prize” to champion the role of humour in children's books.

Each winner was given £2,500 and a bottle of wine from the personal cellar of the Dahl family.

Now, whilst children's book prizes might not attract the same attention as the Booker Prizes, the publishing industry views them extremely seriously, as popular titles frequently outsell adults' books many times over.

Two of those to find themselves in the top six were:-

1) Philip Ardagh, with his book ‘Grubtown Tales‘, a story of a small town community plotting to rid itself of an odious man.

Sounds a bit familiar….a politician perhaps?

2) David Walliams, the comedian and actor, famous for dressing as a "laydee" in the television sketch show ‘Little Britain‘. His book was called ‘The Boy in the Dress‘, about a young lad who likes to cross-dress.

The comedian Bill Bailey, one of the judges, said “The subject matter tackled by the books on this year's shortlist – such as challenging authority and cross-dressing – showed just how much children's books had changed over the years.”

Certainly has!

Mr Bailey went on to say:-

"I remember kids' books not being particularly funny – they were either tales of derring-do or quaint, cutesy tales like Beatrix Potter".

And what may I ask is wrong with that? I used to like Beatrix Potter tales.

“Kids communicate with humour, they use it all the time.” he said “If you can tap into that you have got an incredibly fertile resource and a way of getting to kids at a young age."

“Getting to kids at a young age”? sounds a bit sinister to me.

Well if “……. a small town community plotting to rid itself of an odious man.” and “……..about a young lad who likes to cross-dress.” are the funniest story lines they could dream up, then heaven help us all.

I think the biggest laugh of all is that they walked away with two and half grand and a bottle of plonk!

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On one of our 'sunny days' this year I was sat under a beech tree in Great Missenden chuchyard.

I noticed a father and his two children sitting by a grave.

Had they lost their mother, I wondered......or perhaps their Grandfather?

No, they were just getting close to their favourite author.

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The days of true humour are numbered.

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'Photo-shoot' Delayed

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After arranging a velvet drape across a chair for yesterdays picture, I went to my music drawers to select the appropriate sheet music. I was only away for a minute and of course when I got back, Hazel had decided that velvet was one type of bedding she couldn't resist.

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Cats sleep anywhere, any table, any chair,

Top of piano, window ledge,

In the middle, on the edge,

Open drawers, empty shoe,

Anybody’s lap will do,

Fitted in a cardboard box,

In a cupboard, with your frocks… anywhere!

They don’t care!

Cats sleep anywhere.

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Verse by Eleanor Farjeon.

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"Piano Stairs"

During my searching for information on escalators, I came across this which I found amusing.

No need for the right foot first this time!

Eric Morcambe's response to Andre Previn.

"You are playing all the wrong notes!"

"I am playing all the right notes.....but not necessarily in the right order!!"

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This sort of thing would sadly never be found in todays Britain. Just imagine the 'Elf 'n Safety brigade getting wind of it?

"Happy people"? People enjoying life? People keeping fit?

Must ban it on safety grounds!!!!

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"They sleep in old England’s heart."

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Where are the boys of the old Brigade,

Who fought for us side by side?

Shoulder to shoulder, and blade by blade,

Fought till they fell and died!

Who so ready and undismayed?

Who so merry and true?

Where are the boys of the old Brigade?

Where are the lads we knew?

Over the sea far away they lie,

Far from the land of their love;

Nations alter, the years go by,

But Heav’n is still Heav’n above,

Not in the Abbey proudly laid

Find they a place or part;

The gallant boys of the old Brigade,

They sleep in old England’s heart.

Words..... F. E. Weatherly (1848-1929)

Music composed by.....Odoardo Barri (1844-1920)

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"Four Walls do not a Prison Make"

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Don’t have too much time this morning for a long blog….

It’s the second Tuesday in the month and that means one thing.

The Farmers Market in Thame.

But before I go, I noticed that……

1) Kath says:-

“So it's a little wonky in places and some of the blocks don't quite line up, but I like it.”

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2) And Pam Ayres says:-

I am a Dry Stone Waller,

All day I Dry Stone Wall

Of all appalling callings,

Dry Stone Walling’s,

Worst of all.

3) And of course yesterday:-

The events of 9 November 1989, in which East Berliners streamed across the wall that held them captive for nearly three decades, changed the face of Europe and the course of history.

And still on the subjects of building and rebuilding it came of no surprise to me to read:-

"The day of reckoning is nigh. The country has a choice. Start the process of rebuilding under the Conservatives or continue the current slide towards oblivion...."

Well, after events last week, we can't rebuild our country if it isn't ours anymore. Until the eu issue is resolved, nothing else matters.

Without liberty, we have nothing.

4) And after all this serious stuff I feel like finishing on a silly note.

Two little pigs sat under a wall

The wall fell down and killed them all.

Two got up and ran away,

A blind man came and saw fair play.

Two dead donkeys passing by,

Hit the blind man in the eye.

Knocked him over a nine-inch wall

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

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I'm off to Thame now.....hope you all have a nice day.

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No Fowl play after all.

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Missing chicken found alive and well.

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"Home Sweet Home"

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"Mid pleasures and Palaces though we may roam,

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home!"

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Just the warm colour of brick.

Another survey I'm afraid. This time relating the colour of ones house to their income!

What possible use this can have is beyond me. But, rather than go round looking for houses of different colours, I just thought I'd let you see a few of my favourite buildings that I have photographed around Buckinghamshire.

The music for today would have obviously have been "Little Boxes" but I used that song only a few months ago.

Well it appears that:-

People with blue houses are more successful than those living in homes of any other colour, a survey found.

The average owner of a blue home earns £38,000 a year, and takes at least two holidays abroad. He or she will have achieved two significant promotions, and half describe themselves as a director or manager. Most have at least three people working below them, according to the survey for Sandtex paints, in which 3,000 homeowners took part.

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And a tall one.

The average “blue” homeowner is in a long-term relationship and has two children and four close friends. Fourteen per cent pay for a cook when entertaining, 11 per cent have a regular cleaner, and 8 per cent employ a nanny.

Owners of green houses are the worst off, the survey found, earning only £13,100 annually. They were found to be happy, however.

Victoria Jones, spokesperson for Sandtex, said: “This poll certainly demonstrates that people decorate their houses differently depending on how they are doing in their professional and personal life.”

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And a small one.

The study found that annual earnings by house colour were: blue, £38,000; red, £23,500; white, £23,400; magnolia, £23,100; beige, £20,800; orange, £20,000; purple, £19,600; grey, £19,000; yellow, £18,500; brown, £18,400; pink, £14,500; and green, £13,100

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And one nestling alongside Dorchester Abbey

And not in the slightest concerned about income or anything else.

And painted in perfect taste.

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