"If Music be the Food of Love."

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My neighbour banged on my front door at 2:30am on Friday last.

Can you believe that, 2:30am!

Luckily for him I was still up, 

and tuning the organ’s thirteen Melody pipes for the Regatta at Cookham on Saturday.

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I had to set off at ten o’clock that morning, as I had to be set-up, alongside the river, at 10:30am.

As I waited for the traffic lights on Cookham Bridge, I overheard two blokes who were fishing close by. You see, two cars in front of me was a Hearse and a Funeral Car, and as the lights changed, and we all moved very slowly off over the bridge, one of the fishermen stood up, took off his cap and bowed his head.

When the cars had gone, he put his cap back on, sat back down and carried on fishing.

His mate turns to him and says,

“Pikey, that’s one of the nicest and most respectful things I’ve ever seen you do”

Pike replies, “Well, we were after all, married for nearly 20 years!”

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The regatta field is just upstream from the bridge and alongside Cookham Sailing Club.

The sailing club is here, because it is windy. And of course, wind is something yachtsmen find essential to their sport. It is not something us organ-grinders need in great quantity, just enough to fill our bellows and blow our thirteen Melody pipes!

Last year there was far too much wind everywhere, even without the ‘curried beans‘!

This year there was not so much as a puff.

My pitch this Saturday was just inside the entrance, surrounded by fantastic veteran and vintage cars.

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I was in good company. 

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Just look at the quality (£), oozing out of these Bugatti’s. 

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There were two of these beauties just yards away from me and also the most incredible, irresistible and most desirable ’Bird puller’. (No sorry, I got carried away.) It was an extremely elegant and attractive (£) Rolls Royce.

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I set up my tent and unloaded all my music, beer, bunting, bacon butties and organ.

It was a good pitch, as my playing attracted people as they came in. I say ’people’ but it was really the children that loved the sounds and sights of all my clowns and especially my ’monkey’, or Furry Chimp, to give him his official name.

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When I’m grinding outdoors, I don’t always put up the tent, but here it acts as a screen from the wind, a shade from the sun and of course a dry place for the paper roll music, (and lady friend) if it turns damp.

But as Confucius say -

"Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent".

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This year, as last, I was on my own again. Even though I invited a couple of friends free entry on my pass, it was just Furry Chimp, me and dozens of happy listeners.  

What more could one want?

As I played, I gazed across at those perfectly turned out motors,

And I thought -

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My grip on corners is not as great as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My miles per gallon is appalling.

But here's the worst of it -

Almost every time I sneeze, or cough.... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

It was very crowded this year. I think the glimpse of a bit of blue sky did the trick. As usual they had Dragon boat races most of the afternoon followed by the usual ’Duck race’. 

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You could ‘buy’ a numbered duck for a fiver.

Unfortunately, my duck number 70, stopped on the way downstream to ‘chat-up’ a few birds!

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As I realised I was ‘out for a duck’, I noticed that most of the young children in tow, also looked a bit bored at this mid-stream activity and it was only on hearing and seeing my organ in full blow that their interest picked up. At one stage I felt like one of those Punch & Judy set-ups on the beach. You know, with rows of children sitting in front on the sand.

It was great, and of course they all wanted to give the Furry Chimp a cuddle.

It was a most successful day, with everyone enjoying themselves and my charity collection tub was getting very heavy. I don’t at the moment have a favourite charity that I collect for, and here all donations were collected and distributed by Cookham Rotary Club.

As my dear friend Molly was requesting some more of my videos, I did have a go, but with all the activity, noise from cars and motorbikes, to say nothing of people walking in front of my camera, it was not easy.

Anyway, towards the end of the afternoon, as people thinned out I did get a couple of clips which, as they are not too bad, I shall inflict on you via YouTube.

If it looks as if I am talking to myself - I probably am - it comes with old age!

No. I’m usually thanking people for dropping coins into my pot, asking children not to poke the monkey’s eyes out or making sure they don’t knock the camera off its tripod!

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And this week, as you have all been kind, faithful followers - 

- you get a WOGOF.

“Watch one, get one free”!

No. 

On second thoughts, I had better change it to a BOGOF. 

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Hope you like both of these?

The reason I chose those two tunes, is that they are sort of test pieces, to make sure that your organ valves are operating correctly.

Well ladies, I‘m pleased to say that my organ passed these tests with flying colours!

Years ago, when I was a lad, everything was in ‘Black & White’.

It’s absolutely great now that everything is in flying colours.

Which brings me round to asking -

When you dream in colour, is it a pigment of your imagination?

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“If Music be the food of Love - Play on.”

(And I can serenade any ladies,
at anytime.

at UncB@BTintranet.com)!!!!!

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"Pussycat. Pussycat, where have you been?"

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I know. I know.

Where have I been?

It started off with monitor problems.

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"Bugger it" I thought,

I can't be bothered, after all I've got so many

other things piling up in the background.

I expect it is because I use VISTA,

 a 'Visibly Inferior System To Apple's'?

I went back to painting the Organ front.

I needed some indoor jobbies as all it has done

for the last three or four weeks, is rain.

It has not been as bad here, 

as up in the 'Land of the wild and vicious Haggis'.

The weather maps clearly show us

where all the hosepipe bans are in force!

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RAIN MAP % of AVERAGE

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I did hear someone tell a joke the other day,

about Solar panels.

I can't remember how it went, but I did read about this Scottish farmer who woke up one freezing cold morning last week to find his entire herd of cows frozen in the field. Rushing outside, he tried everything he could to revive them without any success.

The farmer was distraught and he was wandering around in a daze when a familiar looking old lady walked past and asked if she could help.

The farmer explained the situation and the little old lady told him not to worry and she would see if she could help.

She proceeded to breathe lightly on each cow's nose and rub gently until the cow started to thaw.

Eventually, the entire herd had come back to life.

The farmer was so overjoyed he offered to reward to old lady but she refused saying she was pleased to have helped.

The old lady started to leave but the farmer called out "If you won't let me reward you, at least tell me your name"

"Thora Hird" replied the old lady.

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See! It's not only wet up there, but cold as well.

(only joking).

Which reminds me, I wonder how Ann is getting on

with keeping her hedgehogs warm & dry? 

I was planting up my tomatoes in the greenhouse the other day,

when I heard a rustling sound from under the bench.

Yes, Mrs Tiggywinkle had woken up.

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Not a very good pic I'm afraid,

but I didn't like to disturb her too much.

I am putting out Wesley's leftovers at night,

and it is all gone next morning.

What other news do I have?

Oh yes, do you remember how Hazel used to

spend hours sitting on her pot(ty)?

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Well I planted it up with Cowslips

which have all come up

and given a very good display. Bless her.

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And then of course at this time of the year, and with

all this rain everyone's had

the garden is going wild!

To be fair, this was last year.

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A sort of 'before' picture.

And this is last week.

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An 'after' picture.

Four rows of spuds, two of 'earlies'

and two of 'main crop'.

There are also carrots, parsnips and leeks in there somewhere.

I've put in chives, parsley and other herbs

down in this front bit.

Oh yes, and two rhubarb roots.

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Sometime back I remember someone asking -

"Do you remember those big 'Sweetie' jars?"

Well I remembered as I bought half a dozen

about forty years ago for a shilling each.

They are in my garden shed housing my

'Blood, Fish & Bone' and other Gardener's goodies!

So you see, I have been kept very busy.

Now as you were all very kind about

all my previous videos, I thought I would do

another for you based on efforts in the garden.

Wesley supervised the video shots 

and the 'songs' were performed by

Ronnie Ronalde in 1949.

Sit back and get a dose of this.

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Now wasn't that brilliant?

Fancy being able to whistle like a bird,

in tune and to music.

Fantastic.

And my veggies aren't bad either!

O well, 

now the sun's come out,

I suppose, 

I'd better,

get back to work.

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Take care everyone.

Especially those north of Adrian's Wall.

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Rub-a-dub-dub. Two in a Tub,

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Hose pipe bans again?

It must be that time of the year I guess.

We are continually told that it is due to lack of rainfall, but I recon it is more likely due to an increase in the population, especially here in the south east of England. I expect we will all be asked, in a week or two, to ‘share a bath’ or more likely ‘share a shower’.

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There is actually a ‘Share a Shower’ campaign with Facebook pages. (whatever that means?).

Way back in the ‘good old days’, sharing baths and using second-hand bath water was quite normal. In the late 40’s, early 50’s most people were a bit hard up and it cost quite a few bob to use the immersion heater to fill a bath. Friday night was bath night and us three boys all piled in together. I was the eldest and as I grew larger there was not room for three so my two brothers were washed first and I had their second hand water!

The Great Western Railway had an engine named “The Knight of the Bath”.

This was always nicknamed “Friday Night” by the engine drivers.

So where is all this leading?

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Well, I was going to do a post on ‘Bubbles’ as in ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles’ but found I had already done one here.

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Two and a half years ago! How time flies.

You see, on sorting out all my old photos I had come across a picture of a wee carving I had done of a seahorse. It was done in about 1976 and I gave it away to my then ‘girl of the month’ who thought it really nice. It didn’t have a stand and she asked it I could make one with the words ’Oh Bubbles’ on the base.

The things us chaps have to do to keep you ladies happy.

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I was glad I found the picture - it brought back happy memories.

And there were even more memories of those days as I sorted out my collection of old LP’s. To make more room, I am gradually converting them to CD’s and giving the old records to the charity shops (and brothers to sell on eBay).

Some of these discs haven’t been ’given a spin’ for thirty years, but of course sounded as good as new. The one that did make me smile and gave me the idea for todays wee video was Meri Wilson singing ’Rub-a-dub-dub, two in a tub’.

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See, there were even water shortages way back in 1977.

As children the words used to be along the lines of -

“Rub-a-dub-dub,

Three men in a tub,

And who do you think they be?

The butcher, the baker,

The candlestick-maker,

All put out to sea.”

So, here we go, for your entertainment and maybe approval, Meri Wilson singing ’Rub-a-dub-dub’.

Any resemblance to Uncle B in the following is pure coincidence.

(Oh yes, and no blowing it up to full size for a better view!)

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He,he,he.

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"There's Always Room at our House"

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When is a ‘bedroom’, not a bedroom?

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In my case, when it’s a ’Music-room’.

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When I bought this bungalow, twenty years ago, it was described as a bulk standard, three bedroom bung. with lounge and dining room. 

(And before you ask? Yes, I have a kitchen and bathroom too.) 

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Well, four cats and their servant don’t need three bedrooms, 

even though the cats preferred sleeping well apart. 

I kept one as a ’spare’ bedroom, as you would, 

but not many ‘spare’ people turned up to try out my hospitality, 

or share with Wesley!

Although quite a few turned up to try out the music room!

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I also didn’t really like eating alone in a separate dining room, so the ‘dinner table’ was planted down one end of the lounge. 

The dining room was fitted out with shelves to house my lifetime collection of books. 

(I throw very little away you see!)

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As I never eat in there, I called it my ‘Library‘.

Even this is not now large enough 

and cookery books have ended up in the kitchen, 

music books have ended up in the music room 

and gardening books have ended up…….

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...at the local Hospice shop!

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Over the years, I have also collected a huge quantity of sheet music and a fair scattering of strange musical instruments, 

from an Appalachian  Dulcimer 

to Scottish bagpipe practice chanters!   

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Appalachian  Dulcimer

and below a

selection of 'Bells and Whistles'!

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Two bagpipe chanters (left).

There is also my harp, banjos, mandolins, 

guitar and five concertinas. 

I used to have a harmonium as well, 

but some years ago swapped it for a piano. 

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Harmonium on it's way out,

to make room for the piano.

Of course when I built the little street organ, 

I had to find room for that and the ‘sixty odd’ paper music rolls.

So, one of the ‘bedrooms’ became the ’Music’ room.

The so-called ‘spare bedroom’ now houses the PC and all it’s hangers-on.

(Printer, Scanner, Cassette converter, Disc (LP) converter and the latest addition - a VHS tape converter.)

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All my LP's are now re-worked

as CD's.

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One last spin and then down the Hospice shop!

So, when the 2011 census turned up, 

I said I lived alone in a One bedroom bung. 

(They didn’t ask about the cats.)

And of course it doesn’t end there  either. 

The conservatory, houses the washing machine and freezers so it’s really a ‘Utility’ room! 

And, the garage does not contain a car - 

but is really my ‘Hobby room’! 

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Yes, carpet!

It’s actually a workshop, 

but I don’t want the council to think I run a business from here!

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A while back I was asked, 

“What’s your next project, now that you’ve finished the Organ?”

Well, I have a huge backlog of things to do.

There is the model traction engine waiting for me for a start.

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1/4 size Burrell Steam Traction Engine.

And then there is the Symphonion musical box that needs a bit of TLC.

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Hmm. I think it might be the disc Symphonion next.

So to finish, here’s the Symphonion accompanying

 you on a wee tour of my music room. 

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Any volunteers to do the dusting?

Apologies for the sound quality.
That was the real music box
playing live,
and she, like me,
is very old!

"Nothin' on t'box t'night!"

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I expect many of you have been saying how, over Christmas, there was "Nothing on the telly worth watching".

I have suspected this might have been the case, for over seven years, for that is how long I have rejoiced for the lack of the 'idiot lantern' in the corner of my room.

Please don't get me wrong....if what they serve up, is what you enjoy, then great - they have a happy customer, but it's not for me.

Over the last ten years, or maybe more, the quality (so I'm told) has gone from bad to worse.

But lo and behold!

All is not lost.

Those glorious days of yore, have been preserved and the humour of yesteryear can still bring tears of laughter to your eyes. If, of course you enjoy, what I enjoyed all those years ago, when I could afford a TV licence!

Twenty-five, maybe thirty years ago, I creased myself up laughing at the performances of the 'Two Ronnies' on Saturday night.

I remember thinking, "Oh, I wish I could record that - just to catch those magical words again.

Ronnie Barker was just so clever with our English language. Then, it was a 'blink and you missed it for ever' situation. But, as I said, all is not lost, thanks to YT and those wonderfull people who have saved these clips. 

They are all there if you go and look.

"Knock and the door will open.

Seek and ye shall find."

There they all were.

Which should I choose?

All brilliant.

Well, I chose, English Country Dancing. (as I cannot forget, from my schooldays - all those big girls bums jiggling about in front of me!) 

And, of course, English Folk Song - as, all these years on, I can still remember all the chords, but not a single line of the words!

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Last night I was watching a program on iPlayer about New England.

So, for all my friends on the t'other side of the pond, we English, are just as eccentric as ever - and enjoying life to the full.

We must enjoy it whilst we can,
 - we only get 'one innings'.

Post Early for Christmas

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For the first time, 

I've managed to be ahead of things this year. 

I have in the past always underestimated the time available leading up to Christmas, but not this time. 

I bought my M&S Christmas pudding in November (long sell-by date), 

even a hunk of cake and mince pies are all safely gathered in!

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I buy M&S because this is one time of the year, 

when it is good to have something really nice.

And.....this year, I wrote all my cards early 

and posted them all off last Thursday.

Years ago I would buy an assorted box of 30 cards, 

but always noticed that I ended up with about half a dozen left which, to be honest, I wouldn’t have sent to my Mother-in-Law!…..No, no, no, sorry. I meant worst enemy.

Either the picture on the front was a bit naff or the words inside a bit sloppy. Sometimes both.

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I now buy Charity packs of six,  or sometimes ten, 

with identical pictures and words.

After all, if they are going to different address, who is to know?

What did amaze me this year was the breakdown of where all this money goes.

In my case, the largest ‘Christmas donation’ was not to charity, 

but to the Royal Mail.

30p for a 2nd class stamp and 39p for a First class. 

I don’t see the need for a First class stamp, 

as long as you remember to allow enough time. 

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But as Pam Ayres says - “you may want to impress you friends”.

Hundredweights of Christmas cards,

Went flying through the post,

With First Class postage stamps on those,

You had to flatter most.

Within a million kitchens,

Mince pies were being made,

On everybody’s radio,

“White Christmas”, it was played.

I read somewhere that “Dreaming of a White Christmas” 

was now considered racist!

It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest, 

as we now seem to have everything we do monitored.

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Oh may thy Christmas happy be,

And naught but joy appear,

Is now the wish I send to thee,

And all I love most dear.

Anyway back to the cards. 

At what point does a Christmas card become charitable? 

When 100% of the card price goes to charity? 

Or just 70%... or 50%? 

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Guess again. 

According to the Charities Advisory Trust (CAT), 

some retailers selling charity Christmas cards are passing on as little as 1.1% of the card price to the charity mentioned on the back.

Online shops were identified as the worst offenders with over a quarter of internet retailers giving less than 2% to charity. 

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The CAT found that many high-street stores had improved since last year. 

Most now gave at least 10% to charity. 

Waterstones, Marks and Spencer and Debenhams now donate 20%, 

while John Lewis gives 25%.

I’m afraid I can’t afford to buy by cards from any of those four. 

I better not say how much I paid for my cards - my friends and relations might be reading this! 

What I do know, 

is that my chosen charity got the smallest slice of the cake.

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Simple daisies I have sent thee,

But they have a golden eye,

And they ever look to Heaven

Even ‘neath a wintry sky.

By now all friends and family will have received theirs, 

and now all that remains is to send Christmas Greetings to all my blogger friends and pals.

These greetings are in alphabetical order  (Sorry Zoe!), 

and I hope I have not left too many out. 

(I did worry about this actually and worse still, since uploading onto YT have remembered a few names I should have included.)

I’m sorry about this - I must be getting old and forgetful. It was an accident, I didn’t mean to miss out anyone. 

We are all friends here.

So to ALL my blogging friends -
(plays full screen - I hope)

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See you all next year.

Cheers....Bernard and Wesley. xx

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"Hazel's World"

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Hazel was born on 27th April 1992.

She was one of four females born to her mother,

a 'British Cream'.

(Father not known!)

I have quite a few pictures of them when they

were only weeks old.

Here's one.

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Hazel is on the right, by her mothers left paw.

She has that little streak of ginger on her forehead.

Sadly, I'm afraid Hazel is no longer with us.

She passed away on Monday afternoon,

and finally left me,

after nineteen and a half, happy years together.

These last six months, however,

had been a rather uncomfortable time for her,

with many trips to the vets.

In a kind way, I am somewhat relieved that she is at rest,

she was, after all, the equivalent of 102 in our years.

I have laid her to rest exactly where she was sitting,

in that photo in the sun, on last Wednesdays blog.

I have made a small pictorial tribute and

posted it up on YouTube.

It's just a few pictures of Hazel,

and the only world she knew, my garden.

I had her as a kitten almost twenty years ago,

and although free to roam,

had never strayed from her beloved patch.

This was the whole world as she knew it.

She now rests here in peace, under her favourite Mulberry tree.

(It plays full screen, but not as sharp.)

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I can't think why YouTube,

out of the thirty pictures there,

had to choose this one of my garden roller!

There were loads better.

But there you go!

That's life, I can't change it.

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My friend.

27th April 1992.

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24th October 2011.

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