"Ee bah gum. I loves a bit of history."

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Just before Christmas, I had an email from Sylvie telling me about how she had found an old song by Gracie Fields. 

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Sylvie said -

“When I was a child,  ’Fanny Fernackerpan’ was used as a kind of jollying-up name to get me to do something but I never realised it was a song, until a few years ago, I came across – something – an old magazine, perhaps, which had it printed out in a song format.”

So, before searching through my piles of sheet music, I thought I would google ‘Fanny Fernackerpan‘ and see what turned up. It appears there were several different spellings of this name, but all referred to either the Gracie Fields song or old 1930‘s expressions for being ‘finicky‘, ‘pernickity' or as Sylvie said more politely, 

‘Move your a**e’.

Now here are two old words you don’t often come across,  but our Mom was always telling us boys not to be so finicky as we poked around in our kippers looking for the smallest of bones!

My dictionary tells me -

finicky ['f?n?k?], finicking

adj

1. excessively particular, as in tastes or standards; fussy

2. full of trivial detail; over elaborate.

And what about pernickity? 

Well, digging deep into my Scottish Dictionary -

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Yes, I have a 'English-Scottish' Dictionary.

"pernickity"

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"She's far owre pernickity."

But back now to Fanny, or Fan.

Someone on the web said -

I vaguely remember Fan Fanackapan; I think it was my great aunt who used

it. I have to admit I always took any of these phrases used on me as

telling me I was being a ‘pain in the behind‘.

Another tells us -

Fanny Fernackepan has always been used in my family to get the attention of somebody who had wandered off from the group when we were out as in - 

"Oi Fanny Fernackerpan! Over here!" 

Now to find the name in a Gracie Fields song.

It didn’t take long to unearth it, as the name was actually in the title, but not a Fanny Fernackerpan, more a Fred.

The title is “Fred Fannakapan” 

and it was written and composed in 1932 by Reg Low.

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Gracie Fields sang and recorded this comic song, which is about a sister's new fiance who had been invited round to the family home for everyone to scrutinise  the poor fellow.

Can you just imagine going round to your girlfriend for tea, when all of the girl’s relations turn up to give you ’once over’? 

As with many sayings the general opinion seems to be that the name pre-dates the Gracie Fields' song, but no-one seems to know when it originated.

During my searching I also uncovered a poem by the late Spike Milligan.

"I am a mystery goblin. 

I'm Fred Fernackerpan. 

I wear one sock that's yellow, 

the other dipped in jam. 

I walk about the countryside, 

I walk about the town. 

Sometimes with my trousers up, 

and sometimes with them down. 

And when they were up, 

they were up. 

And when they were down, 

they were down. 

And when they were only half way up. 

I was arrested."

And here is a lovely old recording from 1932.

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Gracie sings Fred Fannakapan
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And if you want to 'sing along' -

FRED FANNAKAPAN 


There's been a bit of bother through our sister Mary Ann,
She had a sweetheart and his name was Fred Fannakapan.
She said, “I'll ask him home to tea, he'd love to look around,“
So all our family turned up to see what she had found.


There was Father and Mother and sister Mary Ann,
All waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan.
There were Uncles and Aunties and others of our clan,
All waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan.


Round the kitchen table they sat twiddling their thumbs,
When they heard the door bell ring they all said, “Here he comes.“
Father said “You look a gump, the same as Mary Ann,
Sit down and make tha-self at home, Fred Fannakapan.“


The family then questioned Fred as fast as they could speak,
How much he'd got in bank-book and how much he earn’d a week?
He didn't say a word, so Father said, “It seems to me,
The poor gump’s proper poorly, let him have a sup of tea.“



There were pancakes and pork pies and plates of beef and ham,
All waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan,
There was cold tripe and trotters and lots of bread and jam
All waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan.


Fred sat there without a word, as mournful as can be,
Mother said, “What ails thee lad, get on and have tha tea.”
He said, “My teeth have fallen out, I dropped them as I ran.“
And the only one who couldn't eat was Fred Fannakapan.


We finished tea and sat there looking like a flock of sheep,
And Mary Ann was so fed up she went right off to sleep.
Then Father said, “We can't sit here like images all night,
Let's have a drink and then perhaps the lad will feel alright.”

There was whiskey and brandy and port wine in a can,
All waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan,
There was bottled ale and bottled stout, enough to fill a van,
All waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan.


Then we heard a knock and someone said, “Is Freddy here?
It's eight o'clock and time for you to be in bed, my dear.“
He said, “My Mother's come for me,“ and out he quickly ran,
And that's the last we ever saw of Fred Fannakapan.


--+--

"Ee bah gum. I loves a bit of history."

and a joke!


Fred, a Yorkshire farmer,
went into a jewellers shop in Harrogate.
He was constantly chewing.
The salesgirl said, "Can I help you Sir?"
"Aye" he said, still chewing.
"I'd like one 'o them theer rings".
"Yes Sir, wedding or engagement?"
"Wedding, tha nos", he said, chewing constantly.
"Gold or Silver?", said the salesgirl,
watching him chewing.
"Gold", he said.
"Eighteen Carats?", said the girl.
"Nay lass", he said.
"It's toffee and it's stuck in me teeth".

Eyes are so Difficult.

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Just before Christmas, I did a post about some of my drawings that I did at school.

You all, very kindly, 

said nice things about them and even asked to see a few more.

Well, perhaps one day I’ll dig out a few of the better ones. 

Actually, all these years on, I don’t think they are all that good, but there again, I‘m not sure that I could do any better today as I now need specs. for doing anything and everything!

Among the many comments to that blog, Jane left this one (part of)…

 “Your scraperboard drawing brought back memories - 

I used to like having a go at that - 

mind you I was not as expert as you.”

And then Francien added:-

“Well sir...I am a bit disappointed......no cats!!”

“Uncle B., I would love to see a cat picture.”

And then a similar request from Marilyn:

"As Francien said - What, no cats? 

I'll wager you have some drawings or could do them now."

I did, in those days, draw many subjects, 

some turned out better than others. 

Being an engineering sort of chap, 

my drawings of buildings seemed to come out best. 

Indeed the only pictures I have ever had published, 

were Pub drawings for Local Good Beer Guides.  

They were similar to this ‘etching’ of The Green Man. (drawn circa 1975).

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The Green Man.

After a bit of searching I did find a picture to perhaps, 

keep Francien and Marilyn happy.

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I was not all that happy with it, as I don’t think the eyes are correct. 

But, with scraperboard - 

once you have scraped away the black surface - 

that’s it!

(Actually, you can make minor corrections with Indian Ink.)

Eliza kindly suggested that I get going again:

“Those drawings are fantastic. 

Perhaps you should get your sketch pad out again.”

And more encouragement from Jan too:

“I love all your pieces and I hope you'll do some new ones.”

At this stage, I didn’t know what Jan had included in the ‘Cookie’ parcel from California. 

It wasn‘t until Christmas Day that I opened that extra ‘pressy’.

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A set of Drawing Pencils! (see picture lower down).

Thanks Jan. 

It is true that after all these years, 

I would not have been able to find even one pencil, 

let alone, six different grades!

So, I thought “I better try my hand at a little sketching - 

something easy for starters.”

I bet I’ve lost the knack after forty years.  

So, as requested, 

I thought I would see if I could do a better cat drawing for you?

And what better cat is there to start with, 

than Wesley?

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Eyes are so difficult.

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Nearly done.

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"You can get down now!"

"It's finished."

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Well, it's better than that early scraper-board.

"What do you think, Little Wes?"

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"I think it's time for my Felix!"

and
Unc. Bernard needs a coffee!

Blogger has just told me this is -
my 500th blog post.

(You poor souls!)

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"Nothin' on t'box t'night!"

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I expect many of you have been saying how, over Christmas, there was "Nothing on the telly worth watching".

I have suspected this might have been the case, for over seven years, for that is how long I have rejoiced for the lack of the 'idiot lantern' in the corner of my room.

Please don't get me wrong....if what they serve up, is what you enjoy, then great - they have a happy customer, but it's not for me.

Over the last ten years, or maybe more, the quality (so I'm told) has gone from bad to worse.

But lo and behold!

All is not lost.

Those glorious days of yore, have been preserved and the humour of yesteryear can still bring tears of laughter to your eyes. If, of course you enjoy, what I enjoyed all those years ago, when I could afford a TV licence!

Twenty-five, maybe thirty years ago, I creased myself up laughing at the performances of the 'Two Ronnies' on Saturday night.

I remember thinking, "Oh, I wish I could record that - just to catch those magical words again.

Ronnie Barker was just so clever with our English language. Then, it was a 'blink and you missed it for ever' situation. But, as I said, all is not lost, thanks to YT and those wonderfull people who have saved these clips. 

They are all there if you go and look.

"Knock and the door will open.

Seek and ye shall find."

There they all were.

Which should I choose?

All brilliant.

Well, I chose, English Country Dancing. (as I cannot forget, from my schooldays - all those big girls bums jiggling about in front of me!) 

And, of course, English Folk Song - as, all these years on, I can still remember all the chords, but not a single line of the words!

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Last night I was watching a program on iPlayer about New England.

So, for all my friends on the t'other side of the pond, we English, are just as eccentric as ever - and enjoying life to the full.

We must enjoy it whilst we can,
 - we only get 'one innings'.

Christmas Dinner and Angels.

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Thank you all for your Seasonal good wishes and lovely comments (and ‘reacties‘) on last weeks blog. You are all very kind. Many times this year, I have often thought the comments to be more interesting than my posting!

At the moment, the weather here is very mild for the time of the year and yesterday morning, as I looked out up a very sad, drab and colourless garden, I noticed my Christmas dinner approaching to pick up the seeds I had put out as bait.

Three Red Legged Partridge…….but sadly, no Pear Tree!

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Only joking. I couldn't eat such lovely wild birds.

It’s turkey for me as usual.

By now you will have all had your ’fill’ of Christmas cheer. I certainly felt full to bursting at three o’clock yesterday. Everything was just too good to leave.

  

For many years now I have shared Christmas Day with a very good friend. Not only do we share company, but also the cooking. I cook the turkey here at my place and she does all the vegetables and trimmings. I load the hot cooked turkey into the car and drive the 163 miles over to her house.

No, no! I joke about the miles. It’s a five minute trip.

This scheme works well. Using two ovens is so much easier to get things right.

Get ready!

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Get steady!

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Go!

It doesn’t get cold and is in fact ideal, because I read the other day:-

“Do let the turkey rest. It’s a crucial part of the cooking time, so never, ever, carve a turkey straight out of the oven. It needs at least half an hour covered in foil and sitting on the side, (valuable time in which to make the gravy and finish the vegetables).” 

It arrived safely and a smashing meal was enjoyed by all.

The jokes in the crackers were unusually good this year.

I saved mine and thought I’d share it with you…… 

-+-

When four of Father Christmas’s Elves fell sick, the trainee Elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

The Elf 'n Safety directives from the eu, were also causing extra expense and long delays.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit, and that stressed Santa even more.

Later that evening, when he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the sacks fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Father Christmas went in the house for a glass or two of mulled cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the Elves had drunk all the cider and taken the only bottle of rum. 

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the bristles off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an very irritated Santa crunched his way to the front door, yanked it open, and there stood a sweet little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The little angel said very cheerfully, 

“Merry Christmas, Santa“. 

“Isn’t this a lovely day?” 

“I have a beautiful tree here for you – 

where would you like me to stick it?”

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And so started the age old tradition of putting......

.... an Angel on top of the Christmas Tree!

Poor old Wes, for the first time ever, on Christmas Day, he had been on his own.

Well, as I'd brought back home the turkey remains to make soup, I carved off a big plateful for him. That cheered him up no end and as I settled down with a big glass of Green Ginger Wine, he curled up on my feet to sleep it off.

(The turkey that is. Not the Ginger Wine!)

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Wired up for "Carols from Kings".

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Post Early for Christmas

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For the first time, 

I've managed to be ahead of things this year. 

I have in the past always underestimated the time available leading up to Christmas, but not this time. 

I bought my M&S Christmas pudding in November (long sell-by date), 

even a hunk of cake and mince pies are all safely gathered in!

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I buy M&S because this is one time of the year, 

when it is good to have something really nice.

And.....this year, I wrote all my cards early 

and posted them all off last Thursday.

Years ago I would buy an assorted box of 30 cards, 

but always noticed that I ended up with about half a dozen left which, to be honest, I wouldn’t have sent to my Mother-in-Law!…..No, no, no, sorry. I meant worst enemy.

Either the picture on the front was a bit naff or the words inside a bit sloppy. Sometimes both.

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I now buy Charity packs of six,  or sometimes ten, 

with identical pictures and words.

After all, if they are going to different address, who is to know?

What did amaze me this year was the breakdown of where all this money goes.

In my case, the largest ‘Christmas donation’ was not to charity, 

but to the Royal Mail.

30p for a 2nd class stamp and 39p for a First class. 

I don’t see the need for a First class stamp, 

as long as you remember to allow enough time. 

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But as Pam Ayres says - “you may want to impress you friends”.

Hundredweights of Christmas cards,

Went flying through the post,

With First Class postage stamps on those,

You had to flatter most.

Within a million kitchens,

Mince pies were being made,

On everybody’s radio,

“White Christmas”, it was played.

I read somewhere that “Dreaming of a White Christmas” 

was now considered racist!

It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest, 

as we now seem to have everything we do monitored.

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Oh may thy Christmas happy be,

And naught but joy appear,

Is now the wish I send to thee,

And all I love most dear.

Anyway back to the cards. 

At what point does a Christmas card become charitable? 

When 100% of the card price goes to charity? 

Or just 70%... or 50%? 

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Guess again. 

According to the Charities Advisory Trust (CAT), 

some retailers selling charity Christmas cards are passing on as little as 1.1% of the card price to the charity mentioned on the back.

Online shops were identified as the worst offenders with over a quarter of internet retailers giving less than 2% to charity. 

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The CAT found that many high-street stores had improved since last year. 

Most now gave at least 10% to charity. 

Waterstones, Marks and Spencer and Debenhams now donate 20%, 

while John Lewis gives 25%.

I’m afraid I can’t afford to buy by cards from any of those four. 

I better not say how much I paid for my cards - my friends and relations might be reading this! 

What I do know, 

is that my chosen charity got the smallest slice of the cake.

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Simple daisies I have sent thee,

But they have a golden eye,

And they ever look to Heaven

Even ‘neath a wintry sky.

By now all friends and family will have received theirs, 

and now all that remains is to send Christmas Greetings to all my blogger friends and pals.

These greetings are in alphabetical order  (Sorry Zoe!), 

and I hope I have not left too many out. 

(I did worry about this actually and worse still, since uploading onto YT have remembered a few names I should have included.)

I’m sorry about this - I must be getting old and forgetful. It was an accident, I didn’t mean to miss out anyone. 

We are all friends here.

So to ALL my blogging friends -
(plays full screen - I hope)

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See you all next year.

Cheers....Bernard and Wesley. xx

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