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Tom, Dick and Harry were lazing around telling jokes.
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Tom said that yesterday he nipped down to his 24hour one-stop-shop for some bananas.
When he got there the shopkeeper was out the front locking up.
"Hey", he said, "That sign says you're open 24 hours".
"Yes", said the shopkeeper, "We are, but not necessarily all in a row!
Dick then told of a postman confronted by a small boy and a huge dog.
The postman said to the boy "Does your dog bite?"
"No," replied the boy.
Just a second later the dog sprang at the postie and bit him on the leg.
The man yelled "I thought you said your dog didn't bite?"
"He doesn't", replied the boy, "that's not my dog!"
Harry then offered up his story......
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a rolled up newspaper.
"What are you doing?", she asked.
"Hunting Flies",he responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?", she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females!", he responded.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone!”
And did you know?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
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My Mother had a Flit Gun,
It was not devoid of charm.
A bit of Flit,
Shot out of it,
The rest shot up her arm!
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I like the little boy and the dog...My daft dog is all wags and welcomes when the postman arrives, but will chase him as he leaves, barking and looking scary. It's as if she is saying "And don't come back!".
ReplyDeleteGreat, great post, Bernard. Loved the jokes - all of them. I remember the Flit Gun as well, used to frighten me to death so I can imagine how the flies felt!
ReplyDeleteI might pinch your jokes for my home made Christmas crackers.
ReplyDeleteYou know when I look at your blog? Well the latest post it shows from my blog is one I put on about 2 weeks ago ("Don't get excited"). Why is that? I've posted masses since then.
Just a thought Kath,
ReplyDeletePerhaps dogs are pleased to see people because they just MAY be bringing goodies....however after not getting anything, they decide to see you off the premises.
Hi Val, I wondered if you may remember them. My mother never had one, but my Gran did. And she used to hang up sticky fly-papers! Do you remember those?
Hi Foody,
If you need clean jokes for crackers I can let you have a website with loads.
I too noticed that. It's been like it since your PC went 'belly up'.
I think it may be something your end as I can't see anything to change here. I have just popped up a 'Help us' post to see if anyone has any ideas.
Sticky flypapers used to fascinate me until they got overfull with flies. Happy days!
ReplyDeleteMy Dog has not nose.
ReplyDeleteHow does he smell?
Terrible.
Another joke for Foody's home-made crackers!
ReplyDelete