"Oppor-Tuner-ty" Knocks

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Miss Crotchety Quaver was sweet seventeen,

And a player of excellent skill,

She would play all the day, all the evening as well,

Making all the neighbourhood ill.

And to keep her piano in tune she would have

A good tuner constantly there,

And he’d pull up the instrument three times a week,

Just to keep it in proper repair.

Chorus

And first he’d tune it gently, then he’d tune it strong,

Then he’d touch a short note, then he’d run along,

Then he’d go with vengeance enough to break the key,

At last he tuned when e’er he got an oppor..’tuner’..ty!

‘Tuner’s Oppor-Tuner-ty’ was written by Fred Coyne and Harry Adams and assigned to Howard & Co in January 1879, with another song, for £12.

In those days there was obviously not a lot of money to be made writing songs.

I have only put up the first verse but you can see how the lyric overflows with double entendres and follows the well-laid pattern prevalent in folk songs such as ‘The German Clock Mender (Winder)’ whereby the trade and its associated tools are synonymous with sexual meanings…. e.g. ‘to keep her piano in tune’, and in a later verse ‘fingering the keys’.

The husband returns in the third verse as is shown on the music cover, here illustrated by Alfred Concanen……note the symbolism of the hat on the hall hanger and the barometer reading ‘stormy’.

And whilst on the subject of pianos, I came upon this picture of a beautifully decorated 73 note mechanical piano by Giovanni Racca from 1886. I would have loved to have been able to decorated my organ in that style.

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